Now they are traveling through
the Circuits of Time, riding in the open booth on its side as if it were a
boat. "We?ve got plenty of time but we don?t got any more room
left," Ted says. "Ted, we?re out of control," Bill
reports. "What?" Ted asks. "Next place we stop we
gotta try and figure out what?s wrong with the booth," Bill
suggests. Ted looks down over the top of the booth and sees the antenna in
shatters, sputtering sparks. "Bill, I think I got an idea what?s
wrong," Ted says. "What?" Bill asks. "The
antenna?s broken," Ted points out. Bill and Ted both let out a
scream as they continue to race through the Circuits out of control. Back
in San Dimas, Deacon, Napoleon and their dates are now at the bowling
alley. Deacon bowls a strike and cheers. He walks back to sit down
and then he looks at the overhead projection of their bowling score sheet where
he can see Napoleon adding a "1" in front of his rather pitiful score
of "43," giving himself a "143," the highest score.
The girls notice this as well. Napoleon simply looks at them as if defying them
to say anything, which they don?t.
Napoleon gets up to bowl,
motioning for the man in the lane next to him to wait. He lines up the
ball, makes his stride and then throws. He doesn?t let go of the ball
right away and ends up flying part way down the lane. As his ball ends up
in the gutter, Napoleon swears loudly in French. Deacon suggests to the
girls that they ditch him, and they hurry and leave. Seeing his attendants
leaving him, Napoleon hurries after but is stopped by the manager of the bowling
alley. "Hold on there! Not so fast, buddy."
"Buddy?" Napoleon asks with indignation. "You ain?t paid
yet," the manager points out. "Pay?" Napoleon cries.
"Pay!" the man nods. Moments later the manager throws Napoleon
out of the bowling alley and tells him he never wants to see him again.
Napoleon pulls himself together with as much dignity as he can, then stands
alone in the empty shopping center parking lot and calls for Deacon, but Deacon
and the girls are nowhere in sight.
We see Bill sitting on top of
the phone booth working on the broken antenna. A caption on the screen
informs us this is "San Dimas, California - 1,000,000 B.C."
There is the sound of animals around. Ted is walking down the line of
historical figures, who are sitting and waiting, handing each of them a pudding
cup from his rucksack. "Here is a treat to make our minor prehistoric
pit stop a bit more enjoyable." Bill is trying to bend one of the prongs of
the antenna back into shape, but instead it snaps off in his hand.
"Uh oh," Bill says worriedly. Moments later, we see the line of
historical figures removing wads of chewed bubble gum from their mouths and
adding it to the others, passing it down the line until Ted sticks on his own
piece and hands the wad to Bill. "Thanks guys," Bill offers,
then sighs, "I sure hope this works." Later, Bill and Ted are in
the booth with their fingers crossed, the historical figures all crammed in as
well, as the booth starts and sparks. We can see the antenna has been
repaired using the chewing gum and pudding cup cans. "I think it?s
working, dude," Ted says hopefully. As the booth is sparking, two
cavemen approach, one holding a burning piece of wood and the other chewing
bubble gum. They watch as the booth disappears and turn and run away in
As the booth travels through
the Circuits of Time, Bill assures everyone, "Just a little farther . . . I
hope." The booth drops out of the Circuit and lands in front of the
Circle K next to an identical phone booth. They can see themselves
standing with Rufus. "Hey! That?s us!" Ted exclaims,
"We?re back in San Dimas." "Yah, only now it?s not
now, it?s last night," Bill points out. "Dude," Ted
says. "What?" Bill asks. "Let?s go talk to
ourselves," Ted suggests. "Excellent!" Bill agrees.
"What?d we say anyways?" Ted asks. "I dunno," Bill
says, "Let?s go find out!" They step out of the booth.
The scene dissolves to a bit later as Bill and Ted answer, "69,
dudes!" "We gotta go," Bill says. "Rufus!"
Ted exclaims. "Listen to this dude, Rufus. He knows what he?s
talking about," Bill insists. "Right!" Ted agrees, then
adds, "Oh, and Ted . . . give my love to the Princesses."
"Who?" past Ted asks. "You?ll see!" Ted
smiles. They start back to the booth and Rufus joins them.
everything all right?" Rufus asks. "Yah," Bill says,
"but how come the number we dialed for San Dimas brought us here instead of
to tomorrow, Rufus?" "Because in San Dimas it is tomorrow,
William," Rufus explains, "You have to dial one number
higher." "Oh yah! Thanks, Rufus!" Bill smiles.
"And you better hurry, ?cause you don?t have much time," Rufus
warns. "What do you mean, Rufus?" Ted asks, checking his watch,
"We got ten hours left." "You got two hours," Rufus
corrects. "Ted, you forgot to wind your watch again," Bill
sighs, "And after you reminded yourself not to." "Well, I?d
better remind myself again!" Ted says, then calls over to past Ted,
"Ted! Don?t forget to wind your watch!" "Thanks,
Rufus," Bill and Ted offer, and the go to the booth and open the
door. "Catch you later, Bill and Ted!" they call to their past
selves. They cram their way back into the booth and after a moment it
sparks and then disappears down into the Circuits again. We see Rufus
motioning to Bill and Ted toward the other phone booth.
We next see the Preston?s
back yard. Missy is in the backyard watering plants with a garden hose
while listening to music on headphones. The booth lands behind her but she
doesn?t see or hear it. She only notices it because it lands on the hose
and the water stops flowing, so she looks around to see what the problem
is. She removes her sunglasses to stare at the phone booth. Inside
the booth, Billy the Kid asks who the senorita is, that she?s cute, and Ted
tells him it?s Bill?s mom. Bill and Ted step out and she smiles,
removing the headphones. "Hi, guys," she greets them.
"Hi, Missy . . . I mean, Mom," Bill says. They look back at the
booth full of people and realize they have to make some introductions but not
give away what they?re doing. "Uh, Mrs. Preston," Ted begins,
"we?d like you to meet some of our . . . friends."
"Yah," Bill jumps in, "This is, uh . . . Dave Beeth
Oven." Beethoven greets Missy in German and kisses her hand.
"And, uh . . . Maxine of Arc . . . Missy," Bill continues,
"Herman the Kid." "Bob Genghis Khan," Ted continues,
"So-crates Johnson. Dennis Frood. And . . . uh . . . Abraham
Lincoln." "Well, it?s nice to meet you all," Missy
smiles, then she adds, "There are sodas in the fridge."
"Mom, can you give us a ride someplace?" Bill asks. "Bill,
I?m not taking you anywhere until you do your chores."
We next see a speeded up
montage of the historical figures pitching in to help Bill complete his chores,
set to the "William Tell Overture." Sigmund Freud is using a
handheld vacuum to clean up while listening to a Walkman but accidentally sucks
up a newspaper on the coffee table which Bill has to help remove. Socrates
stands in boxer shorts while Abraham Lincoln irons his toga. Bill shows
Beethoven how to clean the windows using a spray bottle and rag. Genghis
Khan lifts the lid of the toilet and is about to reach in when Bill shows up to
stop him. Beethoven continues to clean the window, enjoying himself.
Billy the Kid, wearing an apron, has to clean dishes which still have food on
them. He look around slyly, then opens a drawer and dumps the half eaten
sandwich inside, closing it quickly. Bill demonstrates to Genghis Khan how
to use a brush to clean the toilet." Beethoven cleans windows with a
passion. Sigmund Freud vacuums a throw pillow on the couch.
Beethoven has moved outside to clean the other side of the windows.
Genghis Khan uses the brush to clean the toilet. Billy the Kid makes eyes
at Joan of Arc as they wash dishes together, Billy spit shining a plate and
wiping it on his elbow sleeve. Genghis Khan uses the brush he?s been
using to clean the toilet to brush his clothes and hair. Sigmund Freud
looks at the end of the vacuum hose and it sucks in his beard and mouth, causing
him to fall over. Ted checks on the progress in the kitchen.
Beethoven kicks off his shoes. Everyone is gathered in the kitchen to
We next see an escalator in a
mall where Bill, Ted and the historical figures are using to get to the second
level. "This is the San Dimas Mall," Bill explains, "and
this is where people of today?s world hang out. All right, everybody,
watch your step getting off. Beeth Oven, make sure you don?t get sucked
under. Everybody get together, remember who you buddy is." They
step off the escalator at the top, Billy riding up on the handrail.
"So-crates, watch out for your robe, dude!" Bill warns, then when
everyone is at the top he begins the tour. "Okay. Follow
me. You got your Broadway over here. You got your Sears over
here." Meanwhile, in the San Dimas High School auditorium, the
students are giving their final oral reports. One girl is making the
comparison between the breakdown of modern society and that of Marie Antoinette?s
kingdom. "Today, leaders are impeached rather than
beheaded." Mr. Ryan and two other teachers are in the back,
listening. Mr. Ryan checks the clock. It is 1:33. He checks
his roster and Bill and Ted are scheduled for 2:45. "Still, while in
her day Marie Antoinette said, ?Let them eat cake,? perhaps today she?d
say, ?Let them eat fast food.?" The audience applauds.
Back at the mall, Ted sets
down a tray of Slurpees on a table in the food court where the historical
figures are sitting. "Enjoy!" Ted says. "Okay, look
around. See what you think," Bill tells them, "We?ll be back
as soon as we find Napoleon, okay?" Bill tells Ted they don?t have
much time and they leave the historical figures, Lincoln calling after them,
"Yes, but what do we eat?" At Deacon?s school, Bill and Ted
have found him playing baseball. "You ditched Napoleon?" Bill
gasps through the chain link fence. "Do you realize you have stranded
one of Europe?s greatest leaders in San Dimas?" Ted asks. "He
was a dick!" Deacon explains. Bill and Ted turn away in
frustration. "Well, how are we gonna find him?" Ted asks.
"Okay, wait," Bill says, "If we were one of the greatest generals
in history . . . and we were stranded in San Dimas for one day . . . where would
we go?" They think a moment and then answer at the same time,
"Waterloo!" We next see Waterloo, the water slide park, where
people are racing down the waterslides and having a fun time. At the
entrance, a woman is paying for eleven kids, but one of the children has some
problem and stays with her just below the ticket window. The other kids
file in behind her, and at the end of the line is Napoleon, who pushes through
the turnstyle and says, "Mon Dieu!"
A bit later, at the top of one
waterslide, Napoleon is wearing his underclothes as he eyes the tube
openings. A worker urges him to go forward. Napoleon approaches one
tube but isn?t sure what to do. "Buddy, you?re holding up the
line!" the worker says. Napoleon still hesitates, so the worker comes
up behind him and says, "Come on, buddy!" and gives him a push.
Napoleon sails down the waterslide tube, rolling and turning and screaming all
the way down. By the time he reaches the bottom he?s laughing and
thoroughly enjoying himself. We see a montage of Napoleon continuously
running up the stairs and coming down different slides, pushing his way past
other people in line, even taking one child from the top of a tube and going
ahead of them. Later he does try to encourage a little girl to go.
After coming down one slide and exiting the water in elation, Bill and Ted are
waiting for him with a towel. "Come on, Napoleon," Bill urges,
"Everybody?s waiting for us at the mall." Napoleon protests as
they lead him away.
part six . . .