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We see the logo of a Circle K
convenience store. Bill is sitting on the curb outside the store, eating
while studying. Ted approaches him from the parking lot, repeating the
number 1275 to himself. He sits down next to Bill and says, "Okay,
the lady in that car over there said that Marco Polo was in the year
1275." "It?s not just a water sport, I knew it!" Bill
says. A woman crosses the parking lot to go into the store. Ted
checks Bill?s book quickly and asks her, "Excuse me? When did the
Mongols rule China?" "I don?t know, I just work here,"
the woman answers and goes inside. Ted shrugs and asks Bill if he wants to
try to Quickie Mart instead. Bill agrees and they gather their things to
leave. Above them the clouds in the sky begin to part in one area.
It grows slightly windy and there is a rumbling sound. Bill and Ted stop,
looking around, then look up at the sky. Streaks of electricity cross the
open hole in the clouds. "Whoa!" Ted exclaims as he and Bill
continue to look up in wonder. A moment later a phone booth drops out of
the sky and lands in the Circle K parking lot in front of them. "Not
bad!" Bill and Ted state in awe.
The man from the future exits
the booth. "Greetings, my excellent friends," he says to Bill
& Ted. Bill and Ted eye the man strangely, but Ted ventures to ask,
"Do you know when the Mongols ruled China?" The man removes his
sunglasses and suggests perhaps they could ask them. Bill and Ted exchange
a strange look. "Bill S. Preston, Esq. . . . and Ted ?Theodore?
Logan," the man says, stepping closer, "Gentlemen . . . I?m here to
help you with your history report." "What?" Ted asks in
shock. "How?" Bill ventures. At that moment a second phone
booth drops down from the sky with several voices emanating from it.
"Bill?" Ted says. "What?" Bill asks.
"Strange things are afoot at the Circle K," Ted states. The door
of the second booth opens and out step . . . Bill and Ted! The new Bill
and Ted approach the startled original Bill and Ted and inform them that they?re
about to have a most excellent adventure through history. "Who are
you guys?" the original Bill asks. "We?re you, dude!" the
new Ted explains. Original Ted can?t accept this, saying, "No
way. No . . . way!" "Yes way, Ted!" new Ted insists.
"Look, we know how you
feel," new Bill says, "We didn?t believe it either when we were you
and we us said what we us are saying right now." "Okay,
wait," original Ted stops them, "If you guys are really us . . . what
number are we thinking of?" The new Bill and Ted share a knowing look
and reply, "69, dudes!" The original Bill and Ted gasp,
"Whoa!" and then all four share a spirited air guitar riff. The
new Bill and Ted say they must get back to the report, then new Ted addresses
the man happily as Rufus and new Bill urges the original Bill and Ted to listen
to Rufus, that he knows what he?s talking about. "Oh, and Ted . . .
give my love to the princesses," new Ted says. "Who?"
original Ted asks. "You?ll see!" new Ted smiles. The new
Bill and Ted head back to their booth and Rufus steps back to talk to them for a
moment. At one point new Ted calls over to original Ted, saying,
"Ted! Don?t forget to wind your watch!" The new Bill and
Ted thank Rufus and return to the booth, calling, "Catch you later, Bill
and Ted!" to their counterparts, who wave. The second booth
disappears into the ground.
Rufus turns to Bill and Ted
and motions for them to enter his phone booth. Ted holds up a finger for
Rufus to wait a moment and turns to Bill. "Dude . . . you sure we
should be doing this?" "Ted . . . you and I have witnessed many
things but nothing as bodacious as what just happened," Bill points out,
"Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy." "What
if we were lying?" Ted asks. "Why would we lie to
ourselves?" Bill asks. Ted nods and he and Bill go to join Rufus who
has already lifted the receiver off the phone. Ted asks Rufus how he?s
going to help them. "Yah, are you gonna call someone and get the
answers?" Bill asks. Rufus promises they?re going to do a lot more
than that. As Rufus dials the phone, Bill and Ted step inside the booth
and Ted shuts the door. "Brace yourselves, amigos," Rufus urges
as he presses the final two buttons and hangs up. The booth begins to
glow. "Gentlemen," Rufus states, donning his sunglasses,
"We?re history." The booth suddenly drops down into the ground
and Bill and Ted shout, "Whoooaaa!"
The booth is now traveling in
a strange world made up of countless tubes which seem to snake their way through
eternity. They are traveling within one of these tubes. "Rufus
. . . where are we, dude?" Ted asks. "These are the Circuits of
History, gentlemen," Rufus explains, "They?ll take us to any point
in time we wish." "How?" Bill asks. "Modern
technology, William," Rufus offers as explanation. "Whoa!"
Bill and Ted gasp. The booth exits the tube and lands next to a stone
farmhouse. Bill tells Rufus the trip was most unprecedented and Ted asks
where they are. Rufus removes his glasses and motions to a spot in the
distance. "Austria. 1805," Rufus answers, "The French have
just invaded." Bill and Ted see a full battle taking place not far
from them. "Bill, check it out!" Ted gasps, "We?re in the
middle of a war, dude!" They watch the battle for a moment, then turn
their attention to the French Army camp close by. A short man in a general?s
uniform exits his tent to survey the scene, eyeing Bill and Ted curiously.
This is obviously Napoleon Bonaparte.
"Amigos . . . time to
depart," Rufus tells them. They re-enter the booth and just before
they leave Bill and Ted wave to Napoleon, who is eyeing them through a
spyglass. "How?s it goin?, dude?" Bill and Ted call.
Napoleon orders his men to "Blow them up," then orders the others
around him to "Move it!" Everyone around Napoleon hurries off to
carry out their orders. Suddenly an explosion right behind Napoleon sends
him flying toward the phone booth, which is disappearing into the ground.
He gets caught up in the electrical stream and pulled down into the Circuit of
History behind the booth, traveling along with it. The booth drops down in
front of a suburban home with a police car parked in the driveway. Ted
leaps out of the booth excitedly and asks, "Now where are we,
dude?" In disappointment he realizes, "Oh . . . it?s my
house." Neither Bill or Ted see Napoleon?s legs dangling down from
a tree behind them. Bill asks Rufus if they can go anywhere they want at
any time. "Gentlemen, you can do anything you want as long as you
remember this . . . no matter what happens you must get to that report.
Got it?" Bill and Ted nod.
Rufus shows them a book called
the Circuits of Time directory and explains that it will give them the number of
any time they want to go. He also explains how the time in San Dimas,
shown on Ted?s watch, is always right. "All right. Time for
me to go," Rufus says. "What do you mean, Rufus?" Bill
asks. "Yah . . . aren?t ya comin? with us?" Ted asks.
"Gentlemen . . . you?re on your own," Rufus states. He dons
his glasses and steps back into the booth, which disappears in a flash of
sparks. Seconds later the booth reappears in the same spot from above,
this time without Rufus inside. "Ted," Bill sighs.
"What?" "This has been a most unusual day."
Suddenly Napoleon falls out of the tree and lands on the lawn behind them.
They look down at the prone figure. "Ted . . . it?s Napoleon,"
Bill realizes. "Who?" Ted asks. "The short dead dude
from our history review," Bill explains. Bill gets an idea and tells
Ted to help him carry Napoleon inside the house. "I think I figured
out a way to pass our report," Bill says. "How?"
"Well, we got one historical figure here. Maybe we can go back and
get some more." "Yah!" Ted agrees.
Inside Ted?s bedroom, Ted?s
little brother Deacon is sitting and listening to Bill and Ted with only passing
interest. "Deacon, you have to watch this guy," Ted urges,
"His name is Napoleon. He is a very famous French dude."
"We have decided to collect other important figures from history for an
oral report we are doing," Bill adds, "While we are gone you are not
to let him out of your sight." "Here is some money," Ted
says, handing Deacon some bills, "Take him to the movies or
something." Napoleon starts to wake up, so Bill, Ted and Deacon lean
over to look at him. Napoleon is quite shocked when he opens his eyes to
see these three boys in this strange place. Bill promises they will take
him back to France after he tells them what he thinks of San Dimas.
"This is Ted?s little brother, Deacon," Bill explains, "He?ll
take care of ya." Napoleon closes his eyes again. "Ready,
Ted?" "Ready, Bill!" "Let?s go back into
history," Bill says. They share an air guitar and run out of the
room, leaving Napoleon in Deacon?s care.
When Bill and Ted reach the
living room, Ted?s Dad, Captain Logan, is waiting for them. "I want
to speak with you, son," he says, then impatiently adds, "Alone,
please, Bill?" Bill heads for the front door as Captain Logan orders
Ted to sit down. The lecture begins as Bill steps outside worriedly.
"You lose my keys, you fail history . . . spend all your time with your
loser friend planning a band that will never happen! Now you?re not to
leave this house again ?til tomorrow morning." The phone on the
table rings and Captain Logan walks over to pick it up to hear a voice asking,
"Captain Logan? This is Deputy Van Halen down at the
station." "Deputy Van Halen?" Captain Logan asks
dubiously. Hearing this, Ted looks out the window and sees Bill has
called the house phone from the phone booth. "I?m new, dude . . .
sir," Bill continues in a fake deep voice, "Look, we found your keys
and if you want ?em, better come and get ?em." Bill hangs up and
Captain Logan tells Ted that when he gets back from the station he wants Ted
packed and ready to go. Ted nods.
As soon as his father has left
the room, Ted hurries outside and tells Bill the bad news. "We are in
serious trouble! My dad already signed me up! My plane leaves
tomorrow night!" "That?s only if we fail, dude," Bill
points out. They eye the phone booth, then each other, smiling, "No
way!" Inside the booth, Bill is thumbing through the Circuits of Time
directory, as Ted names off some of the historical figures on their list,
pronouncing things wrong, such a "Sigmund Frood" and "Beeth-oven."
"Is there one for western movement in America in the nineteenth
century?" Bill asks. Ted checks the list, then confirms,
"Yah!" "Well then," Bill says, picking up the
receiver, "Let?s reach out and touch someone." Ted closes the
door and Bill dials. The antenna pops up on the top of the booth, sparks
fly and the booth drops down into the Circuits just as Ted?s dad walks out of
the house. All Captain Logan sees are a few remaining sparks outlining where the
booth had been sitting. He shakes his head and heads to his patrol car.
Continue to
part three . . .
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