A moment later the van screeches into the lot and pulls to a stop.  Bill, Ted, and Napoleon jump out, spotting the departing caravan of police cars.

BILL
Oh no . . .

TED
What are we gonna do now, dude?
We only got a few minutes left!

CUT TO:

Ox?s speech in auditorium, he?s dressed as Socrates.  San Dimas High School Football Rules line is not included.  Clock reads 2:35.

IN THE POLICE STATION

A "FLASH" goes off as Socrates "mug shot" is taken.  Then he is shoved into a nearby cell with John the Serf as Beethoven is brought in to be photographed.  Across the way is Joan of Arc, in a holding cell, with a bunch of prostitutes and bag ladies.  A wider shot reveals that we are in the back room of the hectic, buzzing Police Station.  Historical Figures are being booked, photographed, printed, and locked up.  CAMERA BEGINS PULLING BACK through the confusion and soon we are in a questioning room.

Conversation with Lincoln takes place between Lincoln and Officer James.  All same except for spelling Lincoln?s name.  Freud interview with psychiatrist the same.

CONTINUE PULLING BACK, now in a line-up room where Genghis Khan is lined up next to three other savage-looking punks.  An Employee from the Big 5 points to Khan as we:

CONTINUE PULLING BACK, to the front room where Captain Williams is with the last Historical Figure, Billy the Kid.

CAPTAIN WILLIAMS
Empty your pockets.

Billy the Kid pulls chewing tobacco, bullets, and 19th century money out of his pockets.

CAPTAIN WILLIAMS
Got any ID?

Billy pulls out a "WANTED" poster and proudly unrolls it.

CAPTAIN WILLIAMS
(unimpressed)
Anything else?

Billy the Kid shrugs and pulls out a Pudding Cup as we ?

CONTINUE PULLING BACK, through the main door, and out into the station?s parking lot where, after a moment, the van whips in and screeches to a halt.  Bill, Ted, and Napoleon jump out.

BILL
Go inside and talk to your dad.  Me and
Napoleon are gonna try and think of a plan.

And Ted rushes inside ?

Confrontation between Ted and his dad exactly the same as in movie.

Exchange between Bill and Ted outside station about stealing the keys and all the same except Ted suggests they travel someplace and get Rambo.

And the two of them sprint toward the Police Station door, stopping at the top of the stairs to look back at Napoleon who?s shuffling around by the van, looking like the last kid to be picked for softball.  Bill reaches into his pocket and tosses Napoleon the keys to the van, which land by a rock.

BILL
(speaking slowly)
Napoleon . . . please bring the van around back . . .

Napoleon nods, a bit confused.

BILL
(to Ted)

Make a note to leave a French-English dictionary by that rock.

TED
(nods)
Got it.

And as Bill and Ted go inside, we hold on Napoleon who, while bending over to pick up the key, also finds a FRENCH-ENGLISH DICTIONARY.  As he picks it up and begins thumbing through it, we:

CUT TO:

Bill and Ted using tape recorder to get past Ted?s dad is the same.

Bill and Ted quietly crawl past, heading into the next room where they stop in front of OFFICER JAMES, who looks up from his desk, recognizing Ted.

OFFICER JAMES
Oh ? hello, Ted.  I?m sorry, but I can?t let you back here.

TED
That?s okay, Officer James. Oh, hey, how come there?s
a picture of Iron Maiden in with your family portrait?

Officer James looks at the photo on his desk where, sure enough, between the family portrait and the glass frame is a Photograph of the four snarling, devilish members of Iron Maiden.

OFFICER JAMES
Well, how did . . . ?

Bill and Ted sneak past his desk, crawling along the floor behind him.

BILL
(sotto)
You got that?

TED
Of course I got that ? it was my idea.

BILL
Whoa ? watch it, dude.

Bill points to an officer ? OFFICER CHED.  But Ted brushes it off.

TED
Oh, he?s okay.  He?s my buddy.

OFFICER CHED
(noticing them; friendly)
Hi, Ted.

TED
Hi, Officer Ched.

The guys walks past him and Ched goes back to his work.

TED
(sotto; to Bill)
Remind me to do something nice for him.

As Bill and Ted pass, Officer Ched opens a desk drawer and, much to his delight, pulls out a PUDDING CUP and a SPOON.

OFFICER CHED
(pleasantly surprised)
Hey . . . a pudding cup.

He smiles as he cracks it open.

They find the note to themselves, same as in movie, except Officer Logan walks by (not Ted?s dad yet).

Officer Logan heads in their direction, eyes narrowed suspiciously.  Bill and Ted look at each other.

TED
What?ll we do here?

BILL
I dunno.

All of a sudden Officer Logan slips and falls, a rotten, yellow banana peel shooting out from under his feet.  Bill and Ted grin.

BILL
Excellent work!

TED
Yah, that was a good one!
(to himself)
Remember a banana peel.

Bill checks the "coast."

BILL
I think we?re all clear.

TED
We made it, dude!

A short celebratory AIR GUITAR, then they hurry across the floor and head toward the cells.

Start to release the figures while Ted?s dad discovers the recorder.

Captain Williams has finally spotted the jabbering tape recorder.

TED?S VOICE
. . . sorry to have to do it this way, Dad,
but you wouldn?t listen to me when I tried to tell you . . .

Furious, Captain Williams turns the machine off and storms back through the station.  The Historical Figures are now crowded by the open window.

BILL
(to Ted)
Okay ? is the ladder ready?

TED
(looking out the window)
There is no ladder.

BILL
Don?t tell me we forgot the ladder!

TED
(pounding his head)
Remember the ladder.  Remember the ladder.  Remem ?

BILL
(interrupting)
Ted ? it doesn?t matter.  If it?s not there now, we?re
not gonna do it, so you don?t gotta remember.

TED
I don?t gotta remember?  Excellent!

Ted does an AIR GUITAR as Bill turns to the Historical Figures.

BILL
Great people, as time is of the essence, I must ask that
you all work together so we can get down to the van.  Billy the Kid,
please show the others how to make a Human Ladder.

Rest of scene plays out the same as movie except they drop a bucket and not a trash can on Ted?s dad?s head.

INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM (Interestingly enough, the final report takes place in the auditorium until the Sixth Draft versions, when it moved back to the classroom!)

Randolf, as "Abe Lincoln," is just finishing his speech.  The clock behind him reads "2:44."

RANDOLF
. . . and so, in conclusion, I find that San Dimas . . .
is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn?t want to live here.

Randolf smiles as the audience applauds.  Mr. Ryan reaches over, then scratches Bill and Ted?s names off the sign-in sheet.  He shakes his head and crosses to the front of the auditorium where he gives a supportive nod to the gloating Randolf and steps up to the podium.

RYAN
Good report, Randolf.  Good work, class.
(to the audience)
Since we?re short one report, we?ll be finishing a little
early today.  I hope this was as valuable and informative
for all of you as it was for us.

Behind Ryan, the clock nears 2:45.  Then Ryan gathers his papers and steps down from the podium and the audience and students stand and are beginning to mill about when there is a sudden SOUND of a HUGE CRASH outside.  Tires screeching, trash cans tumbling, MUSIC blaring . . .

EXT. HIGH SCHOOL

The van skids to a halt in front of the school.  Bill jumps out and flings open the side door.  As the excited Historical Figures begin to file out and mingle around, Bill darts toward the auditorium.  Ted joins the Historical Figures and begins organizing them, like a first grade teacher, and we:

CUT TO:

INT. AUDITORIUM

Students, parents, and faculty members look around.  Then ? JUST AS THE CLOCK HITS 2:45 ? Bill bursts inside, out of breath.  All heads turn toward him as he collects himself and faces Mr. Ryan.  There is nervous laughter and whispering.

BILL
Mr. Ryan, we are ready with our report.

MR. RYAN
Bill, I think you should go see the Principal.

BILL
(emphatic)
Mr. Ryan, we have our report.

Snickers from Randolf and Ox.  People slowly start to sit, amused and curious.

MR. RYAN
(sighs)
Okay, Bill . . . Where is it?

Bill clears his throat and gestures grandly toward the door.

BILL
My distinguished colleague, Ted "Theodore"
Williams, Esquire, will now bring in our report.

Beat.

OUTSIDE THE AUDITORIUM

Ted moves down the line of Historical Figures, giving them each a final look.  He smoothes down Genghis Khan?s hair, straightens Lincoln?s coat, picks a bit of hot dog out of Freud?s beard.  Freud whispers something to Ted.

TED
(reassuring)
Yes, Sigmund Freud, you look very nice.

INSIDE

Bill, still gesturing to the door, is beginning to feel a bit uneasy.  People begin to giggle. Ryan shakes his head. Randolf and Ox smirk.

BILL
(yelling)

Ted!

And finally the doors open and Ted proudly enters.  He turns back outside and announces, grandly:

TED
Ladies and gentlemen of History.  Please
come in, single file, in chronological order.

Then Ted motions to the door and there is UTTER SILENCE as ?

? THE HISTORICAL FIGURES BEHIND TO FILE IN.

Every jaw in the class, including Mr. Ryan?s, drops, as Abraham Lincoln, Sigmund Freud, Napoleon Bonaparte, and all the other Great Historical Figures, led by Bill and Ted, parade down the aisle.  Some of the students look down at their own makeshift costumes as the true historical personages grandly march past them, forming a LINE at the front of the auditorium.

ON STAGE ? BILL AND TED

proudly step up to the podium and face the audience.  Bill nods to Ted, who steps forward.

TED
Mr. Ryan, fellow distinguished classmates . . . it is
indeed a pleasure to introduce to you, to tell us what
they think of San Dimas, the San Dimas Mall,
Raging Waters, and other elements of modern life . . .
some of the Greatest Human Beings who have Ever Lived
.

And on the packed audience?s absolute astonishment, we slowly:

FADE TO:

THE END OF THE REPORT

PAN DOWN THE CHALKBOARD where we can SEE the remnants of the reports: Musical notes, an analytical drawing of a Hot Dog on a Stick, Caesar?s caricature, the envelope from the Gettysburg Address, some Greek writing, etc. WE FINISH PAN on Napoleon who is coming to the end of an animated account of his adventures at Raging Waters.  He finishes, and Ted leads him back into the line (where the mood among the Figures is now very communal).

The audience continues to watch in total, stunned silence.  Mr. Ryan?s jaw hangs open. Randolf and Ox shake their heads, dismayed.  Captain Williams rushes in, stopping in his tracks when he sees Bill and Ted In total control of the rapt crowd. Bill steps out for the final introduction.

BILL
And now, our last two speakers.  First, the
illustrious aviator, the lovely Miss Amelia Earhart.

Beat.  Everyone in line looks around.  Billy the Kid whispers something to Ted.

TED
(sotto; to Bill)
We left Amelia Earhart going to the bathroom in a time void.

BILL
Bogus.
(beat)
Our last speaker will be one of the greatest presidents
in American history . . . Mr. Abraham Lincoln.

Lincoln steps out of line and moves toward the podium where, with a supportive nod from Bill and Ted, he turns toward the audience.

LINCOLN
On behalf of my colleagues, I would like to say
thank you
to Bill and Ted, for this wonderful adventure.

Bill and Ted beam as the Historical Figures all nod assent.

LINCOLN
(continuing)
And, I would like to close with what I feel is
a summary of all that you have just heard.

Lincoln looks to Bill and Ted, who grin proudly.

LINCOLN
(continuing)
Be excellent to each other, and . . . Party on, dudes.

HOLD for a moment on the SILENT, AWESTRUCK AUDIENCE, and then:

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. SAN DIMAS HIGH GYM - THAT EVENING

The prom is in full swing, the gym decked out with flowers, banners, and romantic lighting.  Couples in formal dress dance to rock and roll MUSIC.

EXT. GYM

Couples enter the gym, arm in arm.  Randolf, Buffy, Ox and Jodie enter the building, shaking their heads about the events of earlier in the day.  It?s about seven p.m. and the sunset sky is a beautiful deep blue.  The van appears in front of the gym and pulls to a stop. Bill and Ted, in tuxedos, their boxers coming out of the back, get out, weary.

BILL
Did we put everything in the right
place at the police station?

TED
Yah, I think so.
(beat)
We forgot the ladder . . .

BILL
That?s alright.  Good work anyhow.

He looks at Ted, who is now staring at one of the several couples passing by on their way into the gym.

TED
(shaking his head)
We traveled through time, we met lots of great leaders,
we got an A+ in History . . . and we still don?t have prom dates.

BILL
Sorry, dude.  We did what we could.

But Ted?s still down.

BILL
(trying to cheer him up)
Hey, at least we can get going with the band now.

TED
Yah, I guess.  Maybe we should start trying to get t-shirts.

BILL
Ted, before we get t-shirts, we should
probably try and line up Eddie Van Halen.

The guys are about to argue when they stop.  They look at each other.

TED
Bill.  Maybe it?s time we started learning how to play.

BILL
(beat; nods)
Maybe it is time, Ted.

A moment passes.  Then ?

BILL
C?mon, dude.  Let?s go inside.

Bill and Ted turn toward the gym and are walking away from us, when a glow of light begins to shine on their backs.  Bill stops and turns around, the glow now on his face.

BILL
Whoa!

He taps Ted.

BILL
(continuing)
. . . dude, check it out!

And Ted turns around, eyes widening, when he sees a white carriage slowly beginning to take form at the far end of the lot.  A team of white stallions grandly draws the carriage toward the gym.  And, ever grander, at the reins and guiding the carriage in, is, of course Rufus, who winks at Bill and Ted as the carriage pulls up in front of them.

RUFUS
Greetings, gentlemen.

Bill and Ted, blown away, approach the carriage.

TED
Rufus!

BILL
I can?t believe you?re here!

TED
(nods)
We looked all over for you when we
dropped off the Historical Figures!

RUFUS
I told you I could take care of myself.

TED
So ? are you here to go to the prom with us, Rufus?

RUFUS
I?m afraid I can?t, gentlemen.

Rufus hops out and opens the carriage door.

RUFUS
(continuing)
However . . . I know a couple of pretty ladies who might ?
(beat)
You remember Joanna and Elizabeth.

And Bill and Ted gape as the Princesses emerge from the carriage looking timelessly beautiful.

JOANNA
Hello, Ted.

ELIZABETH
Hello, Bill.

The guys are elated.

TED
Rufus!

BILL
The babes!

BILL / TED
Excellent!

AIR GUITAR as Rufus escorts each girl to her respective prom date.

TED
Rufus, you gotta come in for awhile.
It?ll be most resplendent.

RUFUS
Can?t gentlemen.  I gotta go home.

BILL / TED
Home??

RUFUS
(nods)
San Dimas.
(beat)
Seven hundred years from now.

Bill and Ted are astounded.

RUFUS
You guys were there.  Remember?

BILL
(starting to put it together)
. . . that desert place . . . with the domes . . .

TED
(also catching on)
They totally worshipped us there, Rufus.

RUFUS
Gentlemen, they totally worship you everywhere.

BILL / TED
What?!

RUFUS
You know that music I?ve been playing?

TED
Yah.  It?s most excellent.

Rufus pulls an album cover out of the van and shows it to Bill and Ted.  The rest of the script is much the same as the first draft, with a few exception:

The album is titled "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure."

When Rufus is ready to leave, the dialogue is as follows:

Rufus looks over at the van.

RUFUS
Gentlemen, I think it?s about time I head back home.

The guys look at Rufus.

BILL
Well . . . so long, Rufus.  Thanks for everything.

TED
Yah, thanks, Rufus.

And then later:

Rufus smiles and climbs into van.  The couples wave as for the final time, the van pulls away, the carriage following behind.  Together, they blur and disappear.  We HOLD on the two happy, waving couples.  Then, Bill and Ted escort the Princesses toward the door.

EXT. GYM

While the girls head inside, Bill and Ted stop in the doorway, look at each other and smile.

They then say the final lines about how it has been a most excellent adventure.  The end scene with Rufus getting a medal in the future is the same, except under the portraits we now read "Be Excellent to Each Other" and "Party On, Dudes."


Go to the Fifth Draft Variations