A moment later the van
screeches into the lot and pulls to a stop. Bill, Ted, and Napoleon jump
out, spotting the departing caravan of police cars.
Oh no . . .
What are we gonna do now,
We only got a few minutes left!
Ox?s speech in auditorium,
he?s dressed as Socrates. San Dimas High School Football Rules line is
not included. Clock reads 2:35.
IN THE POLICE STATION
A "FLASH" goes off
as Socrates "mug shot" is taken. Then he is shoved into a nearby
cell with John the Serf as Beethoven is brought in to be photographed.
Across the way is Joan of Arc, in a holding cell, with a bunch of prostitutes
and bag ladies. A wider shot reveals
that we are in the back room of the hectic, buzzing Police Station.
Historical Figures are being booked, photographed, printed, and locked up.
CAMERA BEGINS PULLING BACK through the confusion and soon we are in a
Conversation with Lincoln
takes place between Lincoln and Officer James. All same except for
spelling Lincoln?s name. Freud interview with psychiatrist the same.
CONTINUE PULLING BACK, now in
a line-up room where Genghis Khan is lined up next to three other savage-looking
punks. An Employee from the Big 5 points to Khan as we:
CONTINUE PULLING BACK, to the
front room where Captain Williams is with the last Historical Figure, Billy the
Empty your pockets.
Billy the Kid pulls chewing
tobacco, bullets, and 19th century money out of his pockets.
Got any ID?
Billy pulls out a
"WANTED" poster and proudly unrolls it.
Billy the Kid shrugs and pulls
out a Pudding Cup as we ?
CONTINUE PULLING BACK, through
the main door, and out into the station?s parking lot where, after a moment,
the van whips in and screeches to a halt. Bill, Ted, and Napoleon jump
Go inside and talk to your
dad. Me and
Napoleon are gonna try and think of a plan.
And Ted rushes inside ?
Confrontation between Ted and
his dad exactly the same as in movie.
Exchange between Bill and Ted
outside station about stealing the keys and all the same except Ted suggests
they travel someplace and get Rambo.
And the two of them sprint
toward the Police Station door, stopping at the top of the stairs to look back
at Napoleon who?s shuffling around by the van, looking like the last kid to be
picked for softball. Bill reaches into his pocket and tosses Napoleon the
keys to the van, which land by a rock.
Napoleon . . . please bring
the van around back . . .
Napoleon nods, a bit confused.
Make a note to leave a
French-English dictionary by that rock.
And as Bill and Ted go inside,
we hold on Napoleon who, while bending over to pick up the key, also finds a
FRENCH-ENGLISH DICTIONARY. As he picks it up and begins thumbing through
Bill and Ted using tape
recorder to get past Ted?s dad is the same.
Bill and Ted quietly crawl
past, heading into the next room where they stop in front of OFFICER JAMES, who
looks up from his desk, recognizing Ted.
Oh ? hello, Ted. I?m
sorry, but I can?t let you back here.
That?s okay, Officer James.
Oh, hey, how come there?s
a picture of Iron Maiden in with your family portrait?
Officer James looks at the
photo on his desk where, sure enough, between the family portrait and the glass
frame is a Photograph of the four snarling, devilish members of Iron Maiden.
Well, how did . . . ?
Bill and Ted sneak past his
desk, crawling along the floor behind him.
You got that?
Of course I got that
? it was my idea.
Whoa ? watch it, dude.
Bill points to an officer ?
OFFICER CHED. But Ted brushes it off.
Oh, he?s okay. He?s
(noticing them; friendly)
Hi, Officer Ched.
The guys walks past him and
Ched goes back to his work.
(sotto; to Bill)
Remind me to do something
nice for him.
As Bill and Ted
pass, Officer Ched opens a desk drawer and, much to his delight, pulls out a
PUDDING CUP and a SPOON.
Hey . . . a pudding cup.
He smiles as he cracks it
They find the note to
themselves, same as in movie, except Officer Logan walks by (not Ted?s dad
Officer Logan heads in their
direction, eyes narrowed suspiciously. Bill and Ted look at each other.
What?ll we do here?
All of a sudden Officer Logan slips
and falls, a rotten, yellow banana peel shooting out from under his feet.
Bill and Ted grin.
Yah, that was a good one!
Remember a banana peel.
Bill checks the
I think we?re all clear.
We made it, dude!
A short celebratory AIR
GUITAR, then they hurry across the floor and head toward the cells.
Start to release the figures
while Ted?s dad discovers the recorder.
Captain Williams has finally
spotted the jabbering tape recorder.
. . . sorry to have to do it
this way, Dad,
but you wouldn?t listen to me when I tried to tell you . . .
Furious, Captain Williams
turns the machine off and storms back through the station. The Historical
Figures are now crowded by the open window.
Okay ? is the ladder ready?
(looking out the window)
There is no ladder.
Don?t tell me we forgot the
(pounding his head)
Remember the ladder.
Remember the ladder. Remem ?
Ted ? it doesn?t
matter. If it?s not there now, we?re
not gonna do it, so you don?t gotta remember.
I don?t gotta
Ted does an AIR GUITAR as Bill
turns to the Historical Figures.
Great people, as time is of
the essence, I must ask that
you all work together so we can get down to the van. Billy the Kid,
please show the others how to make a Human Ladder.
Rest of scene plays out the
same as movie except they drop a bucket and not a trash can on Ted?s dad?s
INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM
(Interestingly enough, the final report takes place in the auditorium until the
Sixth Draft versions, when it moved back to the classroom!)
Randolf, as "Abe
Lincoln," is just finishing his speech. The clock behind him reads
. . . and so,
in conclusion, I find that San Dimas . . .
is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn?t want to live here.
Randolf smiles as the audience
applauds. Mr. Ryan reaches over, then scratches Bill and Ted?s names off
the sign-in sheet. He shakes his head and crosses to the front of the
auditorium where he gives a supportive nod to the gloating Randolf and steps up
to the podium.
Good report, Randolf.
Good work, class.
(to the audience)
Since we?re short one
report, we?ll be finishing a little
early today. I hope this was as valuable and informative
for all of you as it was for us.
Behind Ryan, the clock nears
2:45. Then Ryan gathers his papers and steps down from the podium and the
audience and students stand and are beginning to mill about when there is a
sudden SOUND of a HUGE CRASH outside. Tires screeching, trash cans
tumbling, MUSIC blaring . . .
EXT. HIGH SCHOOL
The van skids to a halt in
front of the school. Bill jumps out and flings open the side door.
As the excited Historical Figures begin to file out and mingle around, Bill
darts toward the auditorium. Ted joins the Historical Figures and begins
organizing them, like a first grade teacher, and we:
Students, parents, and faculty
members look around. Then ? JUST AS THE CLOCK HITS 2:45 ? Bill
bursts inside, out of breath. All heads turn toward him as he collects
himself and faces Mr. Ryan. There is nervous laughter and whispering.
Mr. Ryan, we are ready with
Bill, I think you should go
see the Principal.
Mr. Ryan, we have our report.
Snickers from Randolf and
Ox. People slowly start to sit, amused and curious.
Okay, Bill . . . Where is it?
Bill clears his throat and
gestures grandly toward the door.
My distinguished colleague,
Williams, Esquire, will now bring in our report.
OUTSIDE THE AUDITORIUM
Ted moves down the line of
Historical Figures, giving them each a final look. He smoothes down
Genghis Khan?s hair, straightens Lincoln?s coat, picks a bit of hot dog out
of Freud?s beard. Freud whispers something to Ted.
Yes, Sigmund Freud, you look
Bill, still gesturing to the
door, is beginning to feel a bit uneasy. People begin to giggle. Ryan
shakes his head. Randolf and Ox smirk.
And finally the doors open and
Ted proudly enters. He
turns back outside and announces, grandly:
Ladies and gentlemen of
come in, single file, in chronological order.
Then Ted motions to the door
and there is UTTER SILENCE as ?
? THE HISTORICAL FIGURES
BEHIND TO FILE IN.
Every jaw in the class,
including Mr. Ryan?s, drops, as Abraham Lincoln, Sigmund Freud,
Napoleon Bonaparte, and all the other Great Historical Figures, led by Bill and
Ted, parade down the aisle. Some
of the students look down at their own makeshift costumes as the true historical
personages grandly march past them, forming a LINE at the front of the
ON STAGE ? BILL AND TED
proudly step up to the podium
and face the audience. Bill nods to Ted, who steps forward.
Mr. Ryan, fellow
distinguished classmates . . . it is
indeed a pleasure to introduce to you, to tell us what
they think of San Dimas, the San Dimas Mall,
Raging Waters, and other elements of modern life . . .
some of the Greatest Human Beings who have Ever Lived.
And on the packed audience?s
absolute astonishment, we slowly:
THE END OF THE REPORT
PAN DOWN THE CHALKBOARD where
we can SEE the remnants of the reports: Musical notes, an analytical drawing of
a Hot Dog on a Stick, Caesar?s caricature, the envelope from the Gettysburg
Address, some Greek writing, etc. WE FINISH PAN on Napoleon who is coming to the
end of an animated account of his adventures at Raging Waters. He
finishes, and Ted leads him back into the line (where the mood among the Figures
is now very communal).
The audience continues to
watch in total, stunned silence. Mr. Ryan?s jaw hangs open. Randolf and
Ox shake their heads, dismayed. Captain Williams rushes in, stopping in
his tracks when he sees Bill and Ted In total control of the rapt crowd. Bill
steps out for the final introduction.
And now, our last two
speakers. First, the
illustrious aviator, the lovely Miss Amelia Earhart.
Beat. Everyone in line
looks around. Billy the Kid whispers something to Ted.
(sotto; to Bill)
We left Amelia Earhart going
to the bathroom in a time void.
Our last speaker will be one
of the greatest presidents
in American history . . . Mr. Abraham Lincoln.
Lincoln steps out of line and
moves toward the podium where, with a supportive nod from Bill and Ted, he turns
toward the audience.
On behalf of my colleagues, I
would like to say
thank you to Bill and Ted, for this wonderful adventure.
Bill and Ted beam as the
Historical Figures all nod assent.
And, I would like to close
with what I feel is
a summary of all that you have just heard.
Lincoln looks to Bill and Ted,
who grin proudly.
Be excellent to each other,
and . . . Party on, dudes.
HOLD for a moment on the
SILENT, AWESTRUCK AUDIENCE, and then:
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. SAN DIMAS HIGH GYM - THAT
The prom is in full swing, the
gym decked out with flowers, banners, and romantic lighting. Couples in
formal dress dance to rock and roll MUSIC.
Couples enter the gym, arm in
arm. Randolf, Buffy, Ox and Jodie enter the building, shaking their heads
about the events of earlier in the day. It?s about seven p.m. and the
sunset sky is a beautiful deep blue. The van appears
in front of the gym and pulls to a stop. Bill and Ted, in tuxedos, their boxers
coming out of the back, get out, weary.
Did we put everything in the
place at the police station?
Yah, I think so.
We forgot the ladder . . .
That?s alright. Good
He looks at Ted, who is now
staring at one of the several couples passing by on their way into the gym.
(shaking his head)
We traveled through time, we
met lots of great leaders,
we got an A+ in History . . . and we still don?t have prom dates.
Sorry, dude. We did
what we could.
But Ted?s still down.
(trying to cheer him up)
Hey, at least we can get
going with the band now.
Yah, I guess. Maybe we
should start trying to get t-shirts.
Ted, before we get t-shirts,
probably try and line up Eddie Van Halen.
The guys are
about to argue when they stop. They look at each other.
Bill. Maybe it?s time
we started learning how to play.
Maybe it is time, Ted.
A moment passes. Then
C?mon, dude. Let?s
Bill and Ted turn
toward the gym and are walking away from us, when a glow of light begins to
shine on their backs. Bill stops and turns around, the glow now on his
He taps Ted.
. . . dude, check it out!
And Ted turns around, eyes
widening, when he sees a white carriage slowly beginning to take form at the far
end of the lot. A team of white stallions grandly draws the carriage
toward the gym. And, ever grander, at the reins and guiding the carriage
in, is, of course Rufus, who
winks at Bill and Ted as the carriage pulls up in front of them.
Bill and Ted, blown away,
approach the carriage.
I can?t believe you?re
We looked all over for
you when we
dropped off the Historical Figures!
I told you I could take care
So ? are you here to go to
the prom with us, Rufus?
I?m afraid I can?t,
Rufus hops out and opens the
However . . . I know a couple
of pretty ladies who might ?
You remember Joanna and
And Bill and Ted gape as the
Princesses emerge from the carriage looking timelessly beautiful.
The guys are elated.
BILL / TED
AIR GUITAR as Rufus escorts
each girl to her respective prom date.
Rufus, you gotta come
in for awhile.
It?ll be most resplendent.
Can?t gentlemen. I
gotta go home.
BILL / TED
Seven hundred years from now.
Bill and Ted are astounded.
You guys were there.
(starting to put it together)
. . . that desert place . . .
with the domes . . .
(also catching on)
They totally worshipped us
Gentlemen, they totally
worship you everywhere.
BILL / TED
You know that music I?ve
Yah. It?s most
Rufus pulls an album cover out
of the van and shows it to Bill and Ted. The rest of the script is much
the same as the first draft, with a few exception:
The album is titled "Bill
and Ted's Excellent Adventure."
When Rufus is ready to leave,
the dialogue is as follows:
Rufus looks over at the van.
Gentlemen, I think it?s
about time I head back home.
The guys look at Rufus.
Well . . . so long,
Rufus. Thanks for everything.
Yah, thanks, Rufus.
And then later:
Rufus smiles and climbs into
van. The couples wave as for the final time, the van pulls away, the
carriage following behind. Together, they blur and disappear.
We HOLD on the two happy, waving couples. Then, Bill and Ted escort the
Princesses toward the door.
While the girls head inside,
Bill and Ted stop in the doorway, look at each other and smile.
They then say the final lines
about how it has been a most excellent adventure. The end scene with Rufus
getting a medal in the future is the same, except under the portraits we now
read "Be Excellent to Each Other" and "Party On, Dudes."
Go to the Fifth Draft Variations