After Socrates asks about time, Bill's last line is now:

BILL
And who?d have thought Billy the Kid would ever be
chucking a Nerf football around ancient Greece?

They arrive at the van.

BILL
Rufus ? please ask Socrates if he would like to return
to San Dimas with us, to tell us what he thinks of it.

Rufus does. As Socrates considers this, we:

CUT TO:

They get in the van and get ready to go.  Billy the Kid steals the seat out from under Socrates so he has to sit on the wheel well.  Bill asks Rufus to take them to ?Medieval England, and the Age of Feudalism.?  Bill and Ted wonder how Napoleon is doing with Deacon.

Cut to bowling alley.  Deacon and Napoleon are playing with Bobby and Jeff.  The boys make fun of Napoleon as he bowls.  Napoleon hurts his wrist throwing the ball and places his hand into his shirtfront, striking the famous pose.  They boys sneak out of the bowling alley.

BOBBY
Your brother?ll kill you!

DEACON
I don?t care.  Napoleon?s a dick.

Confrontation with the bowling manager is more or less the same as in the movie.

EXT. ENGLISH CASTLE - DAY

On the outskirts of this grey stone castle, a babbling brook winds its way through a verdant field.  A beaten-down looking SERF is bent over, picking roots when the van appears and rolls to a stop behind some shrubbery.  Bill and Ted get out of the van while Billy and Socrates look through the window.  Bill questions the serf and Ted spots the Princesses strolling through a lush garden, about thirty yards away.  They stop, noticing the large, black, metallic van, then turn and stare, making eye contact with the guys.  Ted is smitten.  The Princesses? stares are interrupted when they hear their father and the Dukes approaching.

TED
They are most beautiful, Bill

BILL
(nods)
Well . . . You?re the ladies man,
how?re we gonna meet ?em?

EXT. CASTLE - CLOSE ON A GUITAR

A HAND gently strums a simple CHORD. PULL BACK TO REVEAL that this is Rufus standing by the castle wall.

INT. PRINCESS? CHAMBER

The two Princesses look up as they HEAR the MUSIC.  They turn toward the window, just in time to SEE:

IN THE WINDOW - TED?S HEAD

pop INTO FRAME.  It sways for a moment, then settles.

TED
How?s it goin?, ladies?

The Princesses move to the window, intrigued.  They stare at Ted, who begins to sway again.  He looks down, and now, for the first time, we SEE:

EXT. CASTLE - A "HUMAN LADDER"

Ted stands on top of Bill, who stands on top of Socrates, who stands on top of Billy the Kid.  Rufus gently strums the guitar next to them.

TED
What do I say, dude?

Rufus leans in to Billy the Kid, and we begin a slow pan up the "ladder."

RUFUS
(whispering)
Tell her the beauty of her eyes is matched
only by the radiance of her soul.

Billy the Kid nods, then whispers up to Socrates:

BILLY THE KID
She?s got beautiful eyes and a radiant soul.

Socrates nods, then whispers up to Bill:

SOCRATES
(not speaking English)
Radious-eyers-ootious-oles.

FINISH PAN on Bill, who looks up at Ted, confused.

BILL
(whispering)
Something about radio wires in her soul.

THROUGH THE WINDOW - Ted looks up.  Beat.

TED
Your radial tires need to be resoled.

He winces ? that?s not what he meant.  The princesses nevertheless, are fascinated.  Joanna moves toward the window.  Ted is nervous.

The "recite ?em some lyrics" dialogue comes here instead.

Once again Joanne and Elizabeth are switched (no wonder the end credits got mixed up!)  The girls hear their father coming and tell Bill and Ted to meet them there in half an hour, then Joanna shoves Ted out of view.  The "ladder" falls to the ground.

TED
I think I got us dates, dude!

BILL
Excellent.

AIR GUITAR.  And the guys get up and bound off toward the castle.

Later, when Bill and Ted are in the suits of armor and Bill says he feels like the dude from the Wizard of Oz, and Ted asks, "The straw dude?", Bill responds:

BILL
No, not that dude.

Bill does a heavy, clanking "jig."

BILL
(continuing)
?If I only had a heart . . . ?

TED
Way to go, dude!

Bill calls henchman a medieval dick.  Ted hits the henchmen with a lance, not a bone.  Ted opens the visor of his empty suit to show he wasn?t in it.  The fag line when they hug each other stays the same.

ANOTHER HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER - ANGLE ON DOOR

which opens, REVEALING the Princesses who smile happily.  And ? reverse angle ? hug Bill and Ted, delighted to see them.  The guys exchange a high five over the girl?s shoulders.  Then, the Princesses break the hugs.

JOANNA
Follow us.

ELIZABETH
If we?re going to escape, we have to hurry.

Bill and Ted look at each other and shrug, then follow the girls toward a "secret passageway" in the wall.

CUT TO:

EXT. GRASSY KNOLL

Rufus, Billy the Kid, and Socrates are playing Bill?s "Trivial Pursuit" game.  Rufus has three pieces of pie. Socrates has one.  Billy the Kid has none.  Socrates rolls the dice and moves his piece.  Rufus picks up a card.

RUFUS
(reading)
"What is the capitol of Colorado?"

Socrates thinks.

BILLY THE KID
I know that one!

Socrates answers in Greek.  Rufus shakes his head.

RUFUS
Athens is incorrect.

Socrates frowns. Meanwhile, in the secret passageway the Princesses are leading Bill and Ted through a narrow, dimly-lit corridor.  A patch of light is visible at the end.

JOANNA
. . . and so, if we refuse to marry these two
horrible old men, our father will have us killed.

TED
Bogus!

ELIZABETH
Bogus?

BILL
(clarifying)
Yah, you know ? Non-bodacious.

They reach the end of the corridor and the guys help the girls shove a large block out of the way.  They squeeze through to the outside of the castle and find themselves surrounded by twenty henchmen.  Bill and Ted throw out the Earl of Smith and Duke of Ted lines here.

AT THE GRASSY KNOLL

The game continues, Rufus now has 4 pieces of pie, Socrates has 2.  Billy the Kid still has none.  He rolls and moves his piece.  Rufus reads from a card.

RUFUS
"Who was Howdy Doody?s sister?"

Billy the Kid frowns.

BILLY THE KID
Belle Starr?

RUFUS
Sorry.  Heidi Doody.

Billy the Kid, fed up, shoots the game.  Then he picks it up and hurls it into a clump of bushes.  Socrates shakes his head at this poor display of sportsmanship as Rufus heads into the undergrowth and emerges on the other side of the bushes where he stops when he sees Bill, Ted, and the Princesses are being led away by the Henchmen.  Bill and Ted are bound in chains.  Rufus looks on, quite concerned, as we:

FADE TO:

The execution scene in the courtyard.  The Princess? father is now a duke and not king.  Bill and Ted explain to the Duke how the Princesses don't love the old fat dudes.  Bill and Ted are going on about Bill's parents divorce and Missy not being able to cook when:

DUKE
(fed up)

Silence!

Bill and Ted stop, silenced.

DUKE
Demons, it is your choice. You may
either fight the Great Knight . . .

Murmurs from the crowd.  The Princesses bite their lips.

DUKE
(continuing)
. . . or be tortured.  In the Iron Maiden.

Iron Maiden joke comes here.  The Duke, amazed by their reaction, stands, outraged.

DUKE
Bring out the Great Knight!

The girls are horrified.  Bill and Ted stand, mouths agape, as The GREAT KNIGHT emerges through a doorway.  He wears full black metal armor and carries a large, imposing shield.  He is equipped with an array of Medieval weaponry ? a studded metal ball, a large, spiked club, a powerful lance, and heavy chains.  Bill and Ted are given puny little swords.  They look at them and swallow.

IN THE COURTYARD

The crowd hushes.  The Duke raises his hand.  And the Great Knight begins his approach.  The guys raise their tiny swords as the Great Knight stalks toward them, fiercely brandishing his arsenal.  Ted takes a deep breath, steps forward and raises his sword to Joanna.

TED
I pledge my life to thee, you bodacious babe!

The Princesses are impressed by this gallantry.  The Duke is incensed.  Ted rushes at the Great Knight and takes a swipe at him.  But the Knight simply grabs the blade and flings Ted away, sending him landing with a thud, back at Bill?s feet.

TED
(looking up)
I?m totally weak, dude!

Bill now bravely steps forward.

BILL
Unhand your weapons, you bogus knight!

The Knight whirls toward Bill, swinging the spiked ball, just past Bill?s head.  Bill looks at Ted, mouth agape.

BILL
(excited)
I almost got beheaded, dude!

The Great Knight grabs Bill and, with his free arm grabs Ted as well.  Then, with a savage grunt, he charges toward the back of the courtyard and rams the guys up against the back wall!  Bill and Ted are stunned.

TED
Bill.  I believe our adventure through
time has taken a most serious turn.

Bill nods, then gasps as The Great Knight takes two swords, raises them in the air and, with a fearsome YELL, thrusts them into Bill and Ted who yelp in terror!  The crowd goes crazy!  A beat.  Then ? Bill opens his eyes and looks down.

BILL
Ted?

TED
(opening his eyes as well)
Bill?

A SLOW PAN DOWN reveals that the swords are wedged into the wall, not into Bill and Ted.

THE DUKE?S POV - LONG SHOT

It looks as if the two "Demons" have been run through.  The Duke smiles, vindicated.  The Princesses are in tears.  Bill and Ted are astounded and greatly relieved.  Then, they look up and gasp as The Great Knight flips up his visor, revealing that he is, in actuality, a very serious-looking ?

RUFUS
Time to get to the report, gentlemen.

BILL / TED
Ru ? !!

But Rufus clasps his hands over their mouths.

RUFUS
I want you guys to take the van and finish
the report.  You have to pass.  Understand?

BILL / TED
But ? !!!

RUFUS
(continuing; indicating Ted?s watch)
Remember what I said about San Dimas.
Time is running out
.

TED
What about the babes?

BILL
What about you?

RUFUS
Don?t worry about usThe report comes first.
Good luck, amigos.

BILL
But ?

TED
Rufus ?

Rufus grabs the guys, and lifts them into the air. The crowd roars. The Duke applauds. The Princesses cry. And the "Great Knight" lifts his victims a bit higher, and dumps them over the wall.  On the other side of the wall, Bill and Ted fall to the ground, immediately attracting the attention of TWO MORE HENCHMEN, who start in their direction.  The camera follows Bill and Ted as they start sprinting toward the van, the two Henchmen on their heels.

TED
What are we gonna do about Rufus?
We can?t just leave him here!

BILL
(running)
Ted, you heard what he said.
We gotta pass the report.

TED
Well . . . how are we gonna do that, even?
We?re missing the whole Medieval time period!

Still running, they near the SERF, who is know kneeling near the van, picking roots.

BILL
We?ll have to use what we can.

And as Bill and Ted approach the Serf, they lean in and body-block him into the van.  Behind them, the Henchmen are now ten feet away.  Billy the Kid and Socrates slide the doors shut behind Bill, Ted, and the stunned Serf.  The Henchmen, outside, slam into the van with a thud.  Bill jumps into the driver?s seat and frantically starts the ignition.

TED
(to Bill)
You know what you?re doing?

BILL
No.

In the back, Ted, Socrates, Billy the Kid and the Serf topple over as Bill floors it and the van accelerates, blurs and disappears.  The two Henchmen stand up and look around in utter confusion.

INT. VAN - TIME TRAVELING

Everything shakes violently as Bill tries to control the careening vehicle.

TED
Billy the Kid, Socrates.  This is . . .

SERF
. . . John.

Ted doesn?t feel like explaining.

TED
Billy the Kid, please explain things to John.

And Ted crawls up front.

BILLY THE KID
(to John the Serf)
Okay.  We?re going to this place "San Dimas."
I dunno where it is, but we?re supposed to see
what we think of it . . .

JOHN the SERF is still confused.

BILLY THE KID
(continuing; beat)
Did you see Back to the Future?

JOHN the SERF shakes his head.  Ted sits in the passenger seat, looking out the window.

TED
(to Bill)
Be careful, dude!

BILL
Ted, I?ve never driven through a time-void
before.  Would you like to try it?

TED
I?ve never even driven in San Dimas.
(then)
Where we going?

BILL
Home, I hope.


Continue . . .