IN THE BACK OF THE AMPITHEATRE - SAME

Bill, Ted and the Reaper climb to the top of the CHAIN-LINKED FENCE and peer over just in time to HEAR:

WARDROE
(trying to muster enthusiasm)

Wyld Stallyns
.

ON STAGE

Evil Bill and Ted mince on, guitars slung over their shoulders, smirks smeared across their faces.

AT THE TOP OF THE FENCE

Bill and Ted look at each other.

BILL/TED
No way.

And they jump down on the other side.  Then, as they get up and prepare to run, they stop, HEARING:

THE GRIM REAPER?S VOICE
Ooopf
.

Turning back, they SEE The Reaper, tangled badly, his robe caught on the top of the fence and draped, inside out, over his head, exposing his pale, boney body, his boxer shorts, his black socks (with little sock suspenders) and his five inch platform shoes.

Bill reaches up and frees the Reaper, who falls as we HEAR:

EVIL BILL?S VOICE
(amplified, echoing)
How?s it goin? worms?!
I am Bill S. Preston Esquire!

EVIL TED?S VOICE
(same)
And I am Ted "Theodore" Logan!  And . . .

Bill and Ted look at each other.  And start running as:

ON STAGE

Evil Bill and Ted lean into the mics and declare:

EVIL BILL/EVIL TED
We?re Wyld Stallyns
!

Evil Bill and Ted squirm, faces contorted as they loudly wail their OPENING GUITAR RIFFS, the hideous bleat echoing through - -

THE SIDES OF THE THEATRE

Where Bill and Ted rush toward the wings, the Grim Reaper trailing behind.

TED
(over the din)
Dude, I am totally sick of that other me.

BILL
Definitely.

Then, as they near the stage, Bill turns to the Grim Reaper.

BILL
You gotta keep the show going.
You gotta cover for us.

The Reaper peers through the wings, looks at the crowd, and shakes his head.

GRIM REAPER
I . . . I can?t. I haven?t the
experience.  I haven?t - -

TED
Death.  We need your help.

GRIM REAPER
But . . . but . . .

BILL
Get out there, dude.

And Bill and Ted PUSH the Reaper out onto:

THE STAGE - VIEW FROM THE AUDIENCE

Where, opposite Evil Bill and Ted, who thrash about with their guitars, the Grim Reaper stumbles out from the wings, stops, stares for a beat at the audience, then turns and dashes off again.

ON STAGE

Evil Bill and Ted notice the movement and turn to SEE:

BILL AND TED

Now entering from the wings, holding the Grim Reaper between them.  They look at Evil Bill and Ted, who stop their "music" and stare.

EVIL BILL / EVIL TED
No way
.

BILL/TED
Yes
way, Bill and Ted.

THE CROWD

suddenly reacts to what they see: TWO SETS of Bills and Teds (one with a strange, hooded figure in tow).

And they begin to quiet down, a few actually turning back and taking their seats.  The judges, having heard the music stop, look on curiously as:

ON STAGE

Bill and Ted take a couple more steps forward.

BILL
You totally killed us, you
evil metal dickweeds
!

Evil Bill smirks.

EVIL BILL
That?s right!  And we?re
gonna do it again
!!

EVIL TED
Yah!  Plus we?re fully gonna
kill your girlfriends!!

Above Evil Bill and Ted, the Princesses suddenly drop INTO FRAME with muted screams.

And now - -

AROUND THE THEATER

Attention is completely re-focused on the stage.  If people weren?t sitting, they are now.  Wardroe raises an eyebrow, as:

BILL AND TED

Pumped with rage, look at each other.

TED
Ready, Bill?

BILL
Ready, Ted.

BILL / TED
Ready Death?

The Grim Reaper, looking at the mic, gulps and nods. Then - -

TED
Let?s go kick some robot ass
.

Screaming (Aaaaaaaahhhhh!!!"), the guys rush across the stage.

THE AUDIENCE

Watches them go . . . and then winces as:

EVIL BILL AND TED?S FISTS

Nail Bill and Ted right in the face.

BILL AND TED

Fly backwards and land at the lip of the stage.

EVIL BILL AND TED
High-five.

BILL AND TED

Rubbing their jaws, look at each other, then down at the Judges (who have, on their score sheets, categories for MUSIC and LYRICS, then over at - -

THE GRIM REAPER

Who is still standing by the microphone, sweating profusely, unable to think of anything to say.

BILL
Do
something, dude!

Nervous, the Reaper clears his throat, hesitates, then leans into the mic.

THE GRIM REAPER
(voice reverberating)
Hello.  I am Death.

Feedback.  The Reaper jumps back, looks at the crowd, and faints, falling backwards and HITTING HIS HEAD on the SYNTHESIZER - - which starts PLAYING a MUSICAL VAMP.

BILL AND TED

Shake their heads - -

BILL / TED
Bogus.

- - Then look at their watch.

BILL
I wonder where they are . . .

OUTSIDE THE AMPITHEATRE

Around the wild, frenzied CONSTRUCTION . . . something is beginning to take shape.

We SEE Betsy Ross laying FABRIC over a METAL TORSO of some kind.  Sitting Bull takes the van?s ANTENNA and attaches it to the various spools of twine he bought earlier.

Missy and Albert Einstein work together to connect the twine to some of the circuitry.  Suddenly, look over at Missy [sic], Einstein?s eyes widen.

EINSTEIN
My God!  I will be you!

MISSY
(nods)

Uh huh.

Pause.  Then, with nothing else to say, they shrug, continue working, and we CUT BACK TO:

THE STAGE

Where the guys brace themselves and once again rush across the stage.

WIDER SHOT

Bill and Ted charge their Evil Selves and attempt to land a punch.  But no matter what they do, Evil Bill and Ted are a step ahead of them . . . as if they know what?s coming.

Bill throws a punch - - Evil Bill blocks it.  Ted tries a kick - - it?s avoided effortlessly by Evil Ted.

Bill and Ted look at each other, swallow, and WHACK . . . are knocked backwards again.

As they fly through the air, Ted calls to the Princesses - -

TED
We?ll save you, ba - - !

BOOM.  The guys smack against another wall.  Stunned, they look at each other.  This is not going very well.

THE CROWD, HOWEVER

- - which is growing by the minutes - - is really enjoying this.  As is Mr. Wardroe.

THE JUDGES, THOUGH

Are still skeptical.  Although the SYNTHESIZER is providing a musical BACKGROUND, their categories for music and lyrics are nowhere near satisfied.  But they watch, as - -

ON STAGE

Evil Bill and Ted stride toward Bill and Ted, who struggle to sit up.

TED
(rubbing his shoulder)

How are we gonna keep stalling em?

BILL
(beat, then)

Ted.  These guys are programmed
to be just like us, right?

TED
Yah.  So?

BILL
So, they totally know every
move
we?re gonna make.

TED
(nods)
So what do we do?

BILL
. . . I don?t know.
(then, eyes suddenly widening)

That?s it, dude
!

TED
What?

BILL
They?re only gonna know what we?re gonna
do if we know.  So if we don?t know what we?re
gonna do, then there?s no way they can know, right?

TED
(considered; then nods)

Oh yah.  So, that means . . . we just shouldn?t
do anything we know we?re gonna do, right?

BILL
Exactly, Ted.

TED
What if I start to figure out what I?m doin??

BILL
(shrugs)

Don?t do it.

TED
Oh.  Excellent.

EVIL BILL
Having a little tea party, fems?

Evil Bill and Ted stand menacingly above them.  And as they start to reach out - -

Bill and Ted suddenly LEAP UP and begin rushing around the stage, darting back and forth, moving with absolutely NO PLAN WHATEVER - - like chickens with their heads cut off.

THE CROWD

Cheers, beginning to really get into this.

EVIL BILL AND TED

Keep trying to nail Bill and Ted, but can?t seem to get a handle on what they?re doing.

Finally, they stop and look at each other.

EVIL TED
Dude.  They totally don?t
know what they?re doing.

EVIL BILL
(nods)
That means the only way to fight ?em
is to not know what we?re doing.

EVIL TED
(smiles cruelly)
Sterling, E.B.

And suddenly they too begin to rush wildly - -

AROUND THE STAGE

All four of them bobbing and weaving and spinning.  It is TOTAL ANARCHY.

Except that Evil Bill and Ted are CLOSING IN on Bill and Ted.

The crowd cheers wildly.  A GIRL throws a BIG GULP, which nails the Grim Reaper in the face, waking him up.

OUTSIDE

The Figures begin to push their CREATION upright. Leonardo nods to Sitting Bull, who climbs onto the top of the van, antenna in hand, newly-carved bow poised.  Einstein nods to Moses, and we CUT BACK TO:

THE STAGE

Where The Reaper, HEARING APPLAUSE as he awakens and thinking maybe it?s for him, starts to stand.

Behind him, Evil Bill and Ted have cornered Bill and Ted.

EVIL BILL
Got you, lesser-developed
human prototype us?s!

They grab them and lift them over their heads.  The crowd cheers even louder.

Spurred on by this, the Reaper steps up to the mic and, mustering a bit of confidence, starts to speak.

GRIM REAPER
Hello. I am Death.
I come from beyond.
I reap each soul
With my boney wand . . .

Behind The Reaper, Evil Bill and Ted, with a cruel surge of power, fling Bill and Ted across the stage, where they land, dazed and exhausted, against another wall.

The crowd CHEERS again.  The Reaper looks around, sees the two sets of Bills and Teds on opposite sides of the stage, and continues:

GRIM REAPER
Behold before you,
Two Bills and two Teds.
These two good and real,

These
two true metal-heads.
(off cheers)
Tonight you will witness
Their ultimate battle.
The winner will rightly

Mount the Wyld Stallyns saddle.

More cheers.  The Reaper begins to sway and rock.

GRIM REAPER
And so my good frien - - oompf!

BOOM - - Evil Ted shoves him away from the mic - -

EVIL TED
Shut up.

And we follow the Reaper as he stumbles across the stage, falling right next to Bill and Ted.

BILL
(rubbing his jaw)

Good work, dude.

TED
Yah, they love you.

The Reaper knows this.  In fact, he?s not even listening to Bill and Ted; rather, he?s already up on his feet, pointing his finger at the audience and starting to dance back toward the mic.

Bill and Ted look toward the back of the ampitheatre.

BILL
Those guys better hurry.  I don?t know
how much longer I can do this.

Ted nods.  Looks at the encroaching Evil Ones.  The Reaper moonwalks (badly) to the mic.

GRIM REAPER
(amplified, now with grand confidence)

Behold the quivering Bill and Ted.
When I came upon them,
they were freshly dead . . .

Evil Bill and Ted, carrying mic stands, are almost upon Bill and Ted.

EVIL BILL
(into a mic, to the audience)
And they?re gonna be again, too!

Bill and Ted swallow.

OUTSIDE

The CREATION is pushed toward the back wall . . .

GRIM REAPER?S VOICE (FROM O.S.)
(amplified outside)

But they have risen
From the bowels of the earth . . .

ON STAGE

The Evil Ones raise their mic stands.  The crowd cheers.  The Princesses are horrified.  The Reaper continues.

GRIM REAPER
(pulling the mic off the stand, dancing)
With a stroke of my hand,

I
gave them rebirth.

Bill and Ted recoil.

OUTSIDE

Missy gives Moses a signal.  Moses nods to Sitting Bull.  And Sitting Bull FIRES the antenna . . . up . . . up . . . up . . .

ON STAGE

The Grim Reaper continues.

GRIM REAPER
But now who?ll be victor?
The good or the bad?
That is the question
Of us . . . us . . . us . . .
(unable to think of a rhyme)
. . . Blad.

And just as Evil Bill and Ted start to swing the bases of their mic stands down on Bill and Ted - -

OUTSIDE

Moses raises his hands in the air and suddenly - -

ALL AROUND THE AMPITHEATRE

People react - - the crowd, the Grim Reaper, The Princesses, Evil Bill and Ted, and Bill and Ted - - as:

A THUNDERBOLT

Crackles through the night and the sky begins to swarm with a sudden furious ELECTRICAL STORM.

OUTSIDE

Moses points his finger.  A LIGHTNING BOLT shoots from a raging thundercloud and ZAPS Sitting Bull?s still-rising antenna.

A sizzling CURRENT OF ELECTRICITY shoots down the attached twine and heads into:

A GENERATOR

Which lurches to life with a surge of power.

QUICK SHOTS:

Two RED EYES come to life.  A NOSE snorts.  A red MANE bursts into controlled FLAMES. And:

A VOICE
(bellows)

Yeeee - haaawwww!!

ON STAGE

Bill, Ted, Evil Bill and Ted, all frozen, react as - -

THE ENTIRE AMPITHEATRE

Suddenly begin to shake.  A low rumbling noise quickly becomes a DEAFENING ROAR.  The CROWD turns their heads as:

THE BACK WALL OF THE AUDITORIUM

Begins to crumble and - -

A TOWERING, TWELVE-FOOT WYLD STALLYN AND RIDER

Bursts through the wall, REARS, and then begins rolling down the center aisle.

Evil Bill and Ted?s eyes widen - -

EVIL BILL AND TED
(dropping their mic stands)

No way
!!

OUTSIDE

Albert Einstein furiously works controls as - -

INSIDE

All attention has now shifted to:

THE CLOTH-DRAPED METAL WYLD STALLYN

Whose rider, henceforth to be called THE RYDER - - a colorful wood, metal and cloth construction with a WITCH-DEMON LOGO on its torso and smoke puffing from its eyes and ears - - mechanically tips its hat to the now-roaring crowd.

RYDER
(a big, booming voice - - with
a slight Italian accent)

How?s it going . . . San Dimas!

Wild cheers.

OUTSIDE

Leonardo Da Vinci steps away from the microphone, smiles.

BILL AND TED

Use this moment to roll away from the Evil Ones - -

TED
Bill - - the babes!

BILL
Come on!

And they run toward the wings as - -

THE WYLD STALLYN

Rolls toward the lip of the stage.

The Reaper, now completely overshadowed, tries desperately to re-grab the spotlight.

GRIM REAPER
Hey - - I?m the Grim Reaper.
(his mic losing power)
I?m Death!
(now just plain yelling)
Hey!  Heyyeeeeeeeee!!

Beat.  He gets an idea.  Runs over to the piano, starts to play.

EVIL BILL AND TED

Stand, smug, gazing at the Ryder.

EVIL BILL
You can?t hurt us!

EVIL TED
Yah!  We?re totally - -

BOO-BOOM!!  With two quick punches from the Ryder, Evil Bill and Ted are knocked off their feet.

OUTSIDE

Joe Louis, in the back with some of the other Figures, nods proudly.

IN THE RAFTERS - BILL AND TED

Having reached the Princesses, look down onto the stage - -

BILL
(calling to the Ryder)
Way to go, dude!

The Ryder looks up and does a clunky, mechanical AIR GUITAR.

BELOW BILL AND TED

The Reaper is now playing piano madly - - like Jerry Lee Lewis and Elton John combined.

Evil Bill and Ted, stunned, get up.

EVIL BILL
Dude.

EVIL TED
What?

EVIL BILL
I think we?ve finally met our match.

Evil Ted nods as they begin to slide uncontrollably toward:

THE RYDER

Who has raised his arms.

EINSTEIN

Cranks a lever, and - -

THE CROWD

Goes absolutely crazy as - -

ON STAGE

Evil Bill and Ted are MAGNETICALLY pulled into the Ryder?s outstretched hands.

EVIL BILL
(to Evil Ted)
You?re totally gonna be scrap metal, dude!

EVIL TED
(to Evil Bill)
So are you!

IN THE RAFTERS

Bill and Ted untie the Princesses.

BILL / TED
Babes!

OUTSIDE

Einstein signals to Captain Logan, who pushes another lever and - -

AT THE LIP OF THE STAGE

Evil Bill and Ted begin to vibrate, a yellow glow beginning to form around them.

BILL, TED, JOANNA AND ELIZABETH

Rush from the wings to HUGE CHEERS, and cross to center stage.

TED
(to Evil Bill and Ted)
Got any last things you wanna
say for yourselves, Evil Us?s?

Evil Bill and Ted look at each other, shrug, then turn back to Bill and Ted.

EVIL BILL AND TED
Yah.  Evil never pays!

A final, rousing AIR GUITAR . . . and then ?

BILL / TED / EVIL BILL / EVIL TED
(shout)

Catch you later, Bill and Ted
!

- - ZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPP!

Sparks fly . . . smoke shoots out and EVIL BILL AND TED EXPLODE INTO A MILLION TINY PIECES, the Ryder and most of the Wyld Stallyn blowing up as well.

THE CROWD

goes absolutely nuts at this incredible showmanship.

THE JUDGES AND WARDROE

Leap to their feet, applauding wildly.

CAPTAIN LOGAN AND MISSY

Begin to make out passionately.

THE FIGURES IN THE BACK

Do a group high-five.

ONSTAGE - BEHIND THE SMOKE AND SPARKS

Bill and Joanna kiss.  So do Ted and Elizabeth.

Then, as they break apart, Bill and Ted grab their mics.  Elizabeth takes her place at the drums.  Joanna crosses to the

KEYBOARDS

Where the Grim Reaper is now kneeling backwards on the ground, playing with his eyes closed and his hands behind his head.  She taps him and points to the stand-up BASS.

WIDER SHOT - THE STAGE

As the band begins to vamp:

TED
Hello San Dimas!

The crowd roars in approval.

BILL
We are the true Wyld Stallyns!

More cheers.

BILL
I am truly Bill S. Preston Esquire.

TED
And I am the real Ted "Theodore" Logan.

BILL
And these are the most beautiful
babes from England . . .

BILL AND TED
Joanna and Elizabeth!!

TED
And the newest member of our band . . .
direct from the afterlife . . . the master
of disaster!  . . . the Grim Reaper!

WILD CHEERS as Death shows off on bass - - spinning it around, laying it down, playing an incredible opening riff then giving the spotlight over to - -

BILL
(who calls out)
One, two, one two three four . . .

And as they start their song - -

IN THE BACK OF THE AUDITORIUM

Captain Logan, Missy, Moses, Leonardo Da Vinci, Betsy Ross, Sitting Bull, Albert Einstein and Joe Louis all leap onto chairs, applauding loudly.

THE CROWD AROUND THEM

Cheers wildly - - so wildy, in fact, that they can?t even hear that:

ON STAGE

The MUSIC is still utterly, painfully . . . unaccomplished.

As they continue to play, Ted looks over at Bill.

TED
Dude.  We just died, went to hell, beat Death
in a series of games, met and made friends
with more of the greatest people who?ve ever lived,
came back to life and totally fought with villains
from seven hundred years in the future . . .
There?s only one thing we forgot.

BILL
What?

TED
We forgot to get good, dude!

BILL
Oh yah.  Well . . . maybe next time!!

And, as they leap into the air, plunging into their (incredibly bad) power chords, we:

FREEZE FRAME, and then . . .

FADE OUT.