The opening theme begins (Break Away)
and we see an interesting, blue geometric pattern. We soon realize this is
a the ceiling of a huge dome. The center of the patterns opens to reveal a
bright light. A spinning gold, geometrical obelisk-style starts to descend from
the hole to the floor, which is a circle of patterns lights. The shape
lands gently in the center of the floor and the ceiling above closes.
We see a man standing against a black
background. He welcomes us to the future, San Dimas, California,
2688. He proceeds to tell us how great the future is. "The air
is clean, the waterís clean, even the dirt . . . is clean! Bowling
averages are way up, mini-golf scores are way down, and we have more excellent
waterslides than any other planet we communicate with." He repeats
that itís great but that it almost wasnít; how 700 years ago the Two Great
Ones ran into a few problems, so now he has to travel back in time to help them
out. During this last part of the explanation, a logo reading Wyld
Stallyns and two boys doing slow, rhythmic air guitar appears next to the
man. This image expands to fill the screen and we cut to a black and white
television screen where these same two boys are playing guitar (quite
badly). The man explains that if he fails to keep these two on the correct
path the basis of the future society will be in danger. "Donít
worry," he assures us, "Itíll all make sense. Iím a
The taller, dark-haired boy walks
around the table where the video camera is sitting, taping them, and picks it
up. The shorter, blond-haired boy strums his guitar and says, "Iím
am Bill S. Preston, Esquire!" The taller boy starts to say, "And
I am Te . . . " then realizes he canít film himself and asks Bill
to take it. They quickly switch places and Ted strums his guitar and
announces, "And I am Ted ĎTheodoreí Logan!" Bill sets the
camera back into the table and they both strum their guitars and say, "And
weíre . . . Wyld Stallyns!" They start to play horribly, wailing
away on their guitars until their amplifier begins to smoke. We cut to the
outside of a garage as the door opens and Bill & Ted bail from the smoky
interior. We can now see they have been rehearsing in the garage of a nice
suburban home. A caption comes up telling us this is "San Dimas,
Bill and Ted walk back into the
garage. Bill notes that they blew it and probably used too much power. Ted
confesses he liked it. "Ted, while I agree that in time our band will
be most triumphant, the truth is Wyld Stallyns will never be a superband until
we have Eddie Van Halen on guitar." "Yes, Bill, but . . . I do
not believe we will get Eddie Van Halen until we have a triumphant
video." "Ted, itís pointless to have a triumphant video before
we even have decent instruments." "Well, how can we have decent
instruments when we donít really even know how to play?" Ted asks.
"That is why we need Eddie Van Halen!" Bill argues. "And
that is why we need a triumphant video," Ted counters. They stand
confused for a moment then both smile and say "Excellent!" and perform
an exuberant air guitar (which is accompanied by a guitar riff on the
soundtrack). A cuckoo clock on the wall starts cuckooing eight oíclock.
Bill points out that theyíre late. "For what?" Ted asks.
"School, dude!" Bill reminds him. "Oh yah," Ted says
worriedly and they start gathering their books.
We see the exterior of San Dimas High
School as a school bus approaches. The scene cuts to the interior of a
classroom as a male teacher (Mr. Ryan) steps into frame. "Bill?
Iím waiting," he states. We see Bill sitting at his desk, looking
as if he is thinking very hard. "Heís dead?" Bill finally
offers. "So, Bill, what youíre telling me, essentially, is that
Napoleon . . . is a short, dead dude," Mr. Ryan summarizes. The kids
in the class laugh. Bill confirms this as Ted leans over from the desk
behind and teases, "You totally blew it, dude!" Mr. Ryan asks
Ted to stand up. "Stand up?" Ted asks, horrified.
"Yes, son, stand up," Mr. Ryan urges. Ted stands up, looking
nervous. "Now . . . who was Joan of Arc?" Mr. Ryan asks.
Ted thinks a moment then happily answers, "Noahís wife?" Their
classmates laugh again. The bell rings and as the class gets ready to
leave he reminds them that their final reports will be from 1:30 to 3:30 the next
Bill and Ted are the last to leave and
Mr. Ryan motions for them to stay behind. Sensing trouble, Bill offers,
"Mr. Ryan . . . before you say anything, my distinguished colleague Ted and
I wish to express to you our thanks for all the things we have learned in your
class." "And what have you learned?" Mr. Ryan asks, playing
along. Bill and Ted donít have an immediate answer, but Bill comes up
with, "We have, uh . . . weíve learned that the world has a great
history." "Yes!" Ted agrees, trying to be helpful,
"And that thanks to great leaders such as . . . " he reads off the
black board, " . . . Genghis Khan, Joan of Arc and Socratic Method, the
world is full of history!" Mr. Ryan looks down at one of their papers
and says, "It seems to me the only thing youíve learned is that Caesar is
a salad dressing dude." Mr. Ryans tells them with concern that they
have flunked every section of the class and that if they donít get an A+ on
their final oral report he will have to flunk the both of them. He says
they know their topics and suggests they cover them in the report if they wish
to pass the course. "Understand?" he asks. "Yes,
sir," they nod. They start to leave when Mr. Ryan adds, "Guys .
. . your report had better be something very special."
Bill and Ted exit the school and Ted is
carrying a huge stack of books. Ted asks what theyíre supposed to know
for their report. Bill admits heís not sure but he knows Joan of Arc is
not Noahís Wife. "Well then, who is Noahís wife?" Ted
asks. "I dunno, Ted," Bill says, "But I do know weíre in
serious trouble. Listen to this." Bill reads from his
assignment sheet, "Express to the class how an important historical figure
from each of your time periods would view the world of San Dimas,
1988." Bill stops, looking worried, and realizes, "We are in
danger of flunking most heinously tomorrow, Ted." There is the sound
of a car pulling up nearby and a horn honks. Bill and Ted see a beautiful
young woman (not much older than them) sitting in a red convertible.
"Hi, Bill," she says, "Wanna ride?" "Sure,
Missy!" Bill smiles. The girl gives him a scolding look.
"I mean Mom," Bill says reluctantly. Missy smiles and puts on
her sunglasses. Bill and Ted go to get in the car, Ted commenting,
"Your stepmomís cute!" "Shut up, Ted," Bill
snarls. "Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen?"
Ted asks. "Shut up, Ted!" Bill says more sternly.
Missyís car pulls up to a nice
suburban house which has a police car parked in the driveway. It is
smaller than Billís house. Ted climbs out of the back seat and says heíll
be back as soon as he gets his books. Bill snatches a bag of chips from
the bag of groceries in the passenger seat and starts to open it. Inside
the house, a man is searching for something. Ted enters and sees him,
hesitates, then tries to get through the room without being seen.
"Ted!" the man calls, stopping him. "What are you doiní
home, Dad?" Ted asks with a smile. His dad explains heís looking
for his keys and asks if Ted has done anything with them. Ted says no and
starts for his room again. "I spoke to your principal today,
Ted," Captain Logan says, "He said your failing history."
Ted tries to explain that he and Bill are going to study but his dad cuts him
off. "He also said that if you fail history you flunk out of
school! You know what that would mean, donít you, Ted?" His
dad walks over to him and Ted keeps his eyes ahead in military fashion.
"That I would have to go to Oates Military Academy . . . Sir!" Ted
answers. "Uh huh," his dad confirms, "I spoke to Colonel
Oates this morning." His dad stops close to Tedís side, saying in a
gleeful manner, "Heís anxious to meet you, Ted." Ted only
gives his dad a nervous, sideways glance. Ted walks out of his house with
his books, looking worried. Missy starts the car as Ted gets in. Bill is
eating the chips. Ted tells him, "Dude, we gotta pass.
Otherwise thereís no more band." "Why?" Bill asks.
"My dadís sending me to military school." "Where?"
Bill asks. "Alaska," Ted answers. Bill now shares Tedís
worry as Missy peels away from the curb.
In the future, the geometric shape is
still sitting in the middle of the dome. Three people, a woman and two
men, are sitting on the side of the dome, or rather they are sitting in
mid-air. We can tell they are most important people. "It is
time!" the middle one announces, "Their separation is
imminent." We see now he is addressing the man who welcomed us to the
future. The important person floating in the middle holds his hand out and
a ball of energy forms there. It flies from his hand, circles the
geometric shape, and then hits it, transforming it. It becomes a
rectangular shape and slowly it takes on the characteristics of a phone
booth. The man steps to the door of the booth and turns to the three
important people, saying, "Be excellent to each other."
"Party on, dude," the three reply. The man steps into the phone
booth and lifts the receiver, dialing a number and then hitting two glowing
symbols on the bottom row (a star and an infinity sign). An antenna pops
up out of the top and sends sparks down and all around the booth. What
look like hands made of electricity reach up out of the floor and pull the booth
downward until it disappears, leaving only orange sparks shooting in its
wake. The three important people look at the wall where there are two huge
holograms, one of Bill and one of Ted, both doing air guitar.
Bill and Ted are in Billís
bedroom. Bill is sitting on his bed, Ted is jumping on a nearby bed.
Bill prompts Ted with, "Okay, Ted, George Washington. One: the Father
of our Country." "Two: born on Presidentís Day," Ted
adds. "Three: the dollar bill guy," Bill concludes. Ted
starts talking about how you can make a mushroom out of his head but Bill firmly
reminds Ted of Alaska. Ted thinks seriously, finally coming up with,
"Had wooden teeth. Chased Moby Dick." "Thatís
Captain Ahab, dude," Bill corrects. "Oh wait!" Ted suddenly
thinks, "Remember at Disney World? Hall of Presidents?"
"Yah, good! What did he say?" Bill asks. "Welcome to the
Hall of Presidents!" Ted recites. There is a knock at the door and
Missy enters, carrying a plate of half-burned grilled cheese sandwiches and
saying she brought them food. Ted sits on the bed with Bill as Missy walks
over and sets the tray down, her low blouse not leaving much to the
imagination. Ted realizes Bill is gawking at her and reminds him, "Itís
your Mom, dude!"
Billís dad enters, asking them how itís
going. "Bad," Bill admits, "We are destined to flunk most
egregiously tomorrow." "And I am destined to end up at Oates
Military Academy," Ted adds. "And then weíll never start a
band," Bill says sadly. Billís dad isnít paying any attention,
focused instead on looking at Missy. Missy asks what they are
studying. Bill tells her history and she asks, "With Mr.
Ryan?" Ted confirms this. "Tell him hi," she
smiles. Billís dad stands up and takes some bills out of his pocket,
handing them to Bill and suggesting they take a dinner break. Bill and Ted
start to leave the room when Bill stops and turns around. Billís dad
looks back at Missy, then to Bill and closes the door to Billís room, ignoring
Billís look of shock. "Now your dadís goiní for it in your own
room!" Ted laughs. "Shut up, Ted," Bill says angrily.
"Your stepmom is cute, though," Ted adds. "Shut up,
Ted!" Bill warns again. "Remember when I asked her to the
prom?" "Shut up, Ted!" Bill turns and yells at his
friend. Ted just smiles at Bill.
part two . . .