Escaping the Royal Ugly Dudes

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BILL & TED characters are trademarks of Nelson 1991 Inc. The motion picture BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE & © 1989 Nelson Films Inc. All Rights Reserved. The motion picture BILL & TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY © 1991 Orion Pictures Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

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"Guards!  After them!" The king shouted as Elizabeth and Joanna squealed with joy.

"Take them to their rooms and have them in prime condition for their weddings!" he ordered the maids and they pulled Elizabeth and Joanna to their rooms.

Joanna and Elizabeth were hoping the two boys they had just met in the garden would come and save them just as they promised.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Turn around, please." Elizabeth?s maid said as she helped tie Elizabeth?s wedding dress and Elizabeth turned, "You know your father?s making a good choice by having you marry him." She commented.

"I don?t believe that is true.  I hardly know the man.  It is not love.  I should not marry him." Elizabeth said unhappily.

"Well, you know how your father is so you must do as he says." The maid said.

Elizabeth thought for a moment, "If you like the idea so much, Why don?t you take my place?" she asked the maid.

"Because he will know it is not you." The maid answered.

"He hasn?t had a close look at my face.  Like I said, I hardly know the man and he wouldn?t know the difference, because look!" Elizabeth explained and showed her in the mirror that Elizabeth was only one inch shorter, had the same hair color, but the only difference was the maid?s green eyes.

"No, I mustn?t do this." The maid said.

"Please, I need you to do this so I can escape from this." Elizabeth begged.

"I shan?t.  Now you are going to marry him, not me." The maid answered before leaving to get things to do Elizabeth?s hair.

Elizabeth sighed and sat waiting for her maid to return.  She knew she would escape.  She didn?t know when or how, but she knew she would go.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Is it too tight?" Joanna?s maid asked.

"No, it?s too big." Joanna lied.

"I can?t get it any tighter, your highness." Joanna?s maid said looking at her face.

"Just do my hair now." Joanna said with an upset, sad tone in her voice.

"Yes, your highness." She replied with a small curtsy before leaving.

When she returned, she put Joanna?s hair in a long braid that came to the bottom of her waist, and she put small diamond pins in her hair.

Joanna didn?t care how she looked at the moment, she didn?t want to marry these ugly men.

"Joanna!  Elizabeth!" their father shouted.

"I will go now," the maid said leaving.

"No!  Wait!  Please, stay!" She begged the maid who ran off not listening.

The king barged in and the first thing Joanna saw was the guards holding Elizabeth?s wrists tightly.

"Joanna, you must be at the wedding now.  You?re to be married in exactly a half hour." The king said right before the guards came in and took Joanna.

She glanced at Elizabeth as they were pulled down the hall.  Elizabeth looked extremely beautiful, her hair was in a bun with small sapphire diamond pins scattered all over her hair.

"They?ll come soon." Elizabeth whispered as they were pulled into a small hallway leading up to a room where they were going to be married to ugly men.

They sat waiting until the king pulled them to the room where they walked down the aisle and were standing in front of two extremely old and ugly men.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to day in the sight of God for the wed-  "The priest mumbled quietly and paused for at least ten seconds, "What in the world is that?" he asked pointing at the sky.

Everyone looked up to find a telephone booth in the sky not knowing at all what in the world had just crashed their wedding.

"Greetings, My excellent friends." Rufus said walking out of the telephone booth.

Everyone had a shocked look on their face staring at the man in total confusion.

"I hope you don?t mind if I take these to ladies off your hands." Rufus said as he grabbed Elizabeth and Joanna?s hands and helped them into the telephone booth.

"Guards!" The king shouted.

"Hold on, ladies.  This is a very fast ride." He said before the telephone booth traveled back to San Dimas.

As they arrived at San Dimas mall he opened the door to the booth and Elizabeth and Joanna rushed out to try to catch their breath.

"Welcome to the San Dimas Mall." Rufus said after they had caught their breath.

"Oh, wow.  This is fascinating!" Elizabeth said as she looked at the building.

"Come on, ladies, let?s look around inside." Rufus said and they walked inside.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Two hours later.

"Wow, Rufus, the mall is so excellent." Elizabeth said.

"Is there a San Dimas mall in England?" Joanna asked curiously.

Rufus laughed, "There is probably a mall in England but probably not a San Dimas mall." He explained.

"Oh, because we?re in San Dimas." Elizabeth said to herself.

"Yes, exactly right.  I?ll have to say, you ladies look excellent with your new hairstyles." Rufus commented.

"Oh, Thanks." They said in perfect unison.

"Well, now it?s time for us to go see Bill and Ted so you can be with them, now, these are called ?Credit Cards.?" He explained and gave them each a credit card, "It has a limited amount and you guys are able to use it to buy things." Rufus explained more.

"Oh, Thanks Rufus." Elizabeth said.

"No, Problem.  Now, we must go." Rufus said and they went to the telephone booth and ended up at Bill?s garage.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

A few moments later.

"Rufus!  The babes!  We looked all over England for you." Ted said.

"Where did you get those savory clothes?" Bill asked.

Elizabeth giggled, "Rufus introduced us to a place called ?the mall.?" Elizabeth explained.

"And something called ?credit cards.?" Joanna added.

"I got them out of England just before they had to marry those royal ugly dudes." Rufus explained.

"Oh, way to go, Rufus!" Ted said.

"How can we ever thank you, Rufus?" Bill asked.

"Well, you can start, by signing this for my kids." Rufus said pulling out a Wyld Stallyns CD.


"They?re big fans of yours, Everyone is." Rufus explained.

"No Way!"

"Yes Way! Would you please have the ladies sign as well, since they are in the band?" Rufus asked.

"Excellent!" Elizabeth said as Ted handed her the CD.

"And may I ask one, further, humble request, If I may be so honored to jam with you?" Rufus asked.

"You know how to play, Rufus?" Ted asked.

"Well, I play a little." Rufus said and played a big guitar solo and they played music together, of course, it didn?t turn out perfect.