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When Bill and Ted reach the futuristic dome, they still meet the woman but the dialogue has changed slightly:

TED
How?s it goin??

WOMAN
It?s . . . you.

TED
(beat)
Yeah, it?s us.
(to Bill, sotto)

Who are we?

BILL
(to Woman)
What year is this?

WOMAN
2686.

TED
Whoa!  Bill! We went way too far forward!

Bill and Ted's dialogue has now been switched when they are asked to speak, and Bill says "Be Excellent to Each Other!" before Ted says "Party on, Dude!"

When they leave the future in the van, the dialogue has changed, since now Ted is not trying to get back to the Princesses:

MUSIC PLAYS.  Bill is barely in control of the van as it hurtles through the time-void.  Ted looks at his watch.

TED
We gotta get back, dude!
We don?t got much time!

BILL
I?m trying, Ted!

And as Bill slams on the brakes again the van dives OUT OF FRAME, Billy the Kid now hanging out the back, yelling and firing his gun into the darkness.

BILLY THE KID
Yee-haww!!

EXT. ROMAN COURTYARD - DAY

JULIUS CAESAR walks through his courtyard as a loud SCREECH catches his attention. He looks up just as the van skids toward him, bumping into him and knocking him over.  Billy the Kid, still hanging out the back, looks around, impressed.  Bill is flipping through this history book.

BILL
Ted!  It?s the salad-dressing dude!

TED
That?s the Green Goddess?

BILL
No, it?s Caesar.

Beat.

TED
Extra credit, dude!

Once they get Caesar inside the van:

Caesar holds his head, stunned.  Billy the Kid, eating a Twinkie, looks at him, unsure of what to say.  Finally --

BILLY THE KID
Wanna Ding Dong, Caesar?

Ted is worriedly studying his watch.

TED
Bill ?

BILL
I?m trying, Ted . . .

And as Bill steps on the brakes once again ?

When they pick up Freud, it is now closer to how it happens in the final film:

Suddenly he is lassoed by Billy the Kid, and yanked into the van.

BILLY THE KID
Wee-hoo!!

And as Bill floors it, LOUD MUSIC comes on, and continues over the following:

SERIES OF SHOTS - TIME TRAVELING

And as Bill and Ted make their way back and forth through history, trying to get back to San Dimas, the following happens rapidly:

? GENGHIS KHAN is picked up in Medieval China.

? JOAN OF ARC is picked up in the middle of a battle.

? BEETHOVEN, in the middle of a concert, and ABRAHAM LINCOLN, at the White House, are both picked up.

Things happen faster and faster.  The van is getting more and more crowded.  Historical Figures are thrown back and forth as Bill desperately attempts to pilot the careening van back to San Dimas.

INT. VAN - TIME TRAVELING

Chaos.

The "Newcomers" (Lincoln, Beethoven, Frued, Genghis Khan and Joan of Arc) are confused and uncomfortable. The "experienced" time travelers (Billy the Kid, John the Serf, and Socrates) try to help Ted placate them.

Ted, playing the "den mother," hands out Hunt?s Pudding Cups.  During the medieval scene is now when Freud says "This must be a dream."  It is also Freud who now licks the pudding cup lid.

After they stop to let Amelia go to the bathroom, the continue:

The doors shut and the Van takes off again.

BILL
Okay - hang on.  I think we?re almost there.

And he jams on the brakes.

After meeting themselves at the 7/11, Bill and Ted ask Rufus how the can works.  Rufus points to the numbers.

RUFUS
See?  Time ? date.  And you gotta hurry.  Got it?

BILL / TED
Excellent!

TED
Thanks, Rufus!  And we?re gonna
pass the report!  We promise!

As Bill puts the van in reverse and begins to pull away, Bill and Ted stick their heads out the window:

BILL / TED
(calling to themselves)
Later, dudes!

The van shakes and disappears.  We HOLD ON the parking lot where First Bill and Ted watch, still shocked, as Rufus walks back to them, smiling.

RUFUS
Well, gentlemen.  Looks like things are under control.

CUT TO:

INT. VAN ? CLOSE ON METER

The numbers on the dashboard whir forward, until the "hour-indicator" aligns with Ted?s watch and --

TED
(taps Bill)
. . . now!!

Bill jams on the brakes.

EXT. MALL PARKING LOT - SAN DIMAS - DAY

The van lands with a CRASH and rolls to a stop.  Bill and Ted are elated.

TED
We did it!

High-fives from Bill and Ted.  The Figures in the back do the same and we:

CUT TO:

INT. MALL - ESTABLISHING SHOT

An escalator deposits customers on the top level of the mall.

BILL (V.O.)
Okay.  This is the San Dimas Mall and
this is where people in 1986 hang out.

Bill and Ted rise INTO FRAME, followed by the Historical Figures, who look back at the escalator in amazement.  At the "INTERNATIONAL KITCHENS" Bill and Ted have seated the bewildered Figures around a large table.  Ted deposits soft drinks in front of them while Bill addresses the group.

BILL
Look around ? See what you think.  Ted and I
will be right back, as soon as we find Napoleon.

(to Ted)
Let?s go, dude.  We don?t got much time.

As Bill and Ted rush off, we HOLD for a moment on the Historical Figures, then shift to a wider shot.  The Figures remain clustered at their table, unsure as to what to do.  A few kids walks by.  Some parents too.  Muzak plays.  The Figures look around the mall.  They look at each other.  They sip their drinks and we:

INT. SCHOOL AUDITORIUM - ANOTHER GROUP OF "FIGURES"

? this one comprised of 16-year-olds in ill-fitting jackets, cardboard hats, wrap-around sheets, etc. ? prepares for their reports.  Randolf, Ox, Buffy and Jodie are dressed in their somewhat "Lincoln," "Socrates," "Marie Antoinette," and "Joan of Arc" costumes.  They all look supremely confident.  The gathered audience, which includes students, parents, and faculty, watches the first speaker, a faltering "Napoleon," on stage.  Mr. Ryan surveys the room.  He looks over at a sign-in sheet which lists, next to student?s names, their assigned time-slots.  Next to Bill and Ted?s name is listed "2:45."

Then Ryan looks up at the clock which reads 2:15.

EXT. SOLOMON J. MATHESON ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - SAME (Note the name of the school!!)

Dialogue about Deacon ditching Napoleon the same, except they say Raging Waters instead of Waterloo.

The scene of Napoleon at the water slides is exactly the same as in final film.

INT. MALL - "INTERNATIONAL KITCHENS"

The Figures? table is empty.

HOLD for a BEAT on the empty cups and crumpled napkins.  Then we HEAR the opening notes of BEETHOVEN?S FIFTH SYMPHONY, and we:

CUT TO:

The music store scene is the same except the salesman hits the "rock and roll" button.

Mall scenes the same except for the following:

THE FRONT OF A MOVIE THEATER where Billy the Kid and John the Serf are hitting on two 14-year-old girls.  (John the Serf is now wearing an "I ?heart? San Dimas t-shirt.)

BILLY THE KID
(to the girls)
I?m Billy and this is John.  I?m an outlaw.

JOHN THE SERF
(bragging)
And I own land.

Sigmund Freud interrupting and dialogue the same.  Meanwhile on the main floor, at a "CARICATURE BOOTH", Joan of Arc is watching a cheesy CARICATURIST do a ridiculous "portrait" of JULIUS CAESAR.  (The drawing depicts a large-nosed Caesar on a surfboard, with the name "Julius" broadly written across it.)

CARICATURIST
(to Caesar)
You got what I call a "Roman nose."  See?

INT. "BEAUTIFUL BODY" HEALTH CLUB

Joan of Arc enters behind two men, intrigued.  She walks into a weight room and observes sweaty, semi-clad men and women strapped into Nautilus machines, riding "Lifecycles," and lifting barbells.  This scares her.  She turns, exits onto an aerobics floor where a class is in mid-session.  The Instructor steps up behind the dumbfounded Joan.

INSTRUCTOR
Hey, loosen up.  Life can?t be that serious.

And as the Instructor begins to pummel Joan?s shoulders, we:

CUT TO:

A ROW OF PUBLIC PHONES

Where SOCRATES is staring, transfixed, at a TEENAGED GIRL who is talking into one of the phones.

TEENAGED GIRL
(into phone; re: Socrates)
Sandy, I?m serious.  This mega-grimster is totally scorching me.

Socrates, confused by this, picks up another phone and begins imitating the girl.

SOCRATES
(into phone)

Sannierees.  Isega grimsoto scorcheemee.

A beat.  The girl stares at Socrates and a FLASH goes off as:

IN AN "OLD TIME PHOTO SHOP" - ABE LINCOLN

Photo shop scene is the same until Lincoln runs out of the store into ?

THE MALL

Where he runs into GENGHIS KHAN.  The Photographer runs out after Lincoln, but retreats, terrified, when Genghis Khan raises his club and GROWLS at him.

LINCOLN
(to Khan)
Thanks.

KHan brushes it off with a casual GRUNT, then turns and enters a sporting goods store.

Sporting goods store scene the same.

Beethoven rocking in music store the same.

EXT. SAN DIMAS STREET - SAME

The van screeches around a corner, en route back to the mall.  Ted, taking notes, is questioning Napoleon, who sits between he and Bill.  He points to Napoleon?s "I Made a Pig of Myself at Farrells" button.

TED
Okay, so you did not like Farrells?

Napoleon shakes his head.  Ted pantomimes bowling.

TED
And you didn?t like bowling, either?

Napoleon shakes his head even more stenuously.

TED
But you did like Raging Waters?

Napoleon nods, smiles broadly.

BILL
Ted, what time is it?

TED
Two twenty-five.

And Bill floors it.

EXT. SAN DIMAS STREET - THE VAN shoots past the POLICE STATION.

INT. POLICE STATION - CAPTAIN WILLIAMS

Picks up the ringing telephone.

CAPTAIN WILLIAMS
This is Captain Williams.
(beat)

What??

SMASH CUT BACK TO:

INT. MALL - BEETHOVEN

Now playing the synthesizer like a man possessed.  He cranks the volume up even louder and we:

CUT TO:

THE AEROBICS ROOM

where Joan of Arc turns and socks the Instructor in the jaw, while ?

IN AN EAR PIERCING KIOSK - LINCOLN AND FREUD

crouch behind the counter, hiding from two teenaged SECURITY GUIARDS.  Freud looks over at Lincoln.

FREUD
Nice beard.

LINCOLN
Thanks.  You too.

Lincoln spots a SECURITY GUARD approaching and he and Freud crawl out and dash across the mall where they attempt to escape the Security Guards by running up the down escalator, thus causing a massive pile-up.  Meanwhile, directly BEHIND THEM in Big 5 Sporting Goods - Genghis Khan wards off more Security Guards with bowling balls, boxing gloves, and tennis rackets.  Finally, he jumps onto a trampoline and bounds out onto the mall floor just as Billy the Kid and John the Serf rush by ?

BILLY THE KID
(gun in air)

Yeee-hawwwww!!!

JOHN THE SERF
(squirt gun in air)

Yeee-hawwwww!!!

? and stop.

GENGHIS KHAN
(bat in air)

Yeee-hawwwww!!

The three Figures look at each other, do a ferocious AIR GUITAR, and run OUT OF FRAME just as, behind them, the glass elevator opens, revealing Socrates, who studies the choatic situation briefly, pushes the "up" button and rises out of frame.  Beethoven pounds fiercely on the keyboard, every button and knob now cranked to the max.  A Security Guard tries to pull him away from the synthesizer, and as the MUSIC THUNDERS toward its climax ?

Lincoln and Freud are grabbed on the escalator, and Julius Caesar is apprehended at McDonaldland, and Joan of Arc is cornered in a handball court, and Billy the Kid, John the Serf and Genghis Khan rush onto an Ice Skating Rink, sliding lamely toward more security guards and Socrates rises INTO FRAME in the elevator, stepping off right into the grip of ANOTHER GUARD.

Then, as Beethoven hits the final, resounding notes of his symphony and is yanked away we HEAR LOTS OF SIRENS APPROACHING and we:

CUT TO:

EXT. MALL - MOMENTS LATER

The handcuffed Historical Figures, from Socrates to Freud, are being led out of the mall and into awaiting police cars.  Nearby Captain Williams surveys the scene, walkie-talkie in hand.  As the last Figure is loaded in ?

CAPTAIN WILLIAMS
Let?s get these crazies out of here.

THE LINE OF POLICE CARS with the dumbfounded Historical Figures peering out the windows takes off.


Continue . . .


 

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BILL & TED characters are trademarks of Nelson 1991 Inc. The motion picture BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE ? 1989 Nelson Films Inc. All Rights Reserved. The motion picture BILL & TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY ? 1991 Orion Pictures Corporation. All Rights Reserved.