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Ted's mom is no longer in the script at all.

When Officer Williams stops them in the living room, it?s the same as in the movie except the lecture takes place in the his dad?s office.

In the living room, Bill wanders around aimlessly for a moment, looking terribly lost.  Then something catches his eye.  It is a folder containing an APPLICATION FORM and BROCHURE for OATS MILITARY ACADEMY.  The picture on the front of the brochure is of a crusty, stentorian, mean-looking COLONEL OATES.  Bill gulps.  Captain Williams and Ted appear in the doorway.

CAPTAIN WILLIAMS
. . . then you had better pass, Ted.  Got it?

TED
Yes sir.

CAPTAIN WILLIAMS
Good.

Captain Williams starts to leave, then turns back ?

CAPTAIN WILLIAMS
(searching his pockets)
Ted ? have you seen my keys?

TED
No sir.

Captain Williams storms out of the room.  Ted enters the living room and the guys look at each other, then down at the application form.

TED
(softly)
Bill.  We have got to pass.

Bill nods.  The guys amble down the front steps, toward the awaiting van, their VOICES TRAILING OFF as they move AWAY FROM US.

BILL
You know when you were in the study just now?

TED
Yah?

BILL
(beat)
I didn?t miss you.

TED
(quickly)
I didn?t miss you either.

Beat.  The guys look at each other.

BILL / TED
Fag.

And Bill grabs the top of Ted?s boxers and yanks them up . . .

TED
Whoa!  You gave me a Melvin, dude!

And Ted tries to stuff his boxers back down as the guys enter the van.  Another SONG by the same band we?ve been hearing plays as the ignition starts.

When Ted reads over their history checklist, he reads off "So-crates.  Sigmund Freud.  Beethoven," mispronouncing their names.

As their travel through time before going to the old west, there is now this dialogue:

EXT. TIME VOID - The van sails through the darkness, MUSIC PLAYING from within.

RUFUS
(V.O.)
So how?s your band coming along, gentlemen?

IBill and Ted are up front with Rufus.  Outside everything is a dark blur.

TED
Bad.  My dad wants to break Wyld Stallyns
up before we even learn how to play.

RUFUS
We can?t let that happen, can we?

They land near a sign that reads "Colorado Territory."  Bill and Ted get out of the van.

BILL
We?ll catch ya in a little bit, Rufus.

TED
(nods)
We?re gonna go round up an Old-West
dude to speak at the report!

Rufus winks and nods.

RUFUS
Knock yourself out, amigos.

They head into town.  The people look at them curiously.  The Frontierland, except you can get shot here exchange is added.  They enter the saloon and order the beers.

In this script version, the ugly cowboy dude they ask first is the one who shoots at their feet.  The Ugly Cowboy pulls out a pistol and points it at Bill?s and Ted?s feet:

COWBOY
I wanna see you two dance.

BILL
We don?t know how, dude.

TED
Yah.  Bill flunked Cotillion.

BILL
At least I didn?t get booted like you . . .

COWBOY
(interrupting)
Shut up.  Now dance.

He fires at their feet and the two leap.  He fires again.  They leap again.  He laughs sadistically, then suddenly stops as all attention in the saloon shifts to ? Billy the Kid as he enters.

When Billy says he's never heard of Bill Wyld and Stallyn Ted before, and Ted says they're going to open for Iron Maiden, they air guitar and Bill the Kid throws them against a wall.

BILLY THE KID
What the hell was that?

BILL
Rock and roll, Billy the Kid.

TED
It?s here to stay, dude.

When they leave the bank and run into the posse, the posse leader now says:

POSSE LEADER
Hold it right there, Billy.  Now drop your guns.

Much of the scene will Billy is now different:

As the Posse closes in on the three "outlaws," Billy the Kid turns to Bill and Ted.

BILLY THE KID
(sotto)
Cover me.

And he suddenly dives through a storefront window ? glass shattering.  The posse starts shooting, leaving Bill and Ted standing on the wooden sidewalk, bullets whizzing past them.  Both fire their pistols a few times before they remember ?

BILL
(pulling the trigger)
Dude.

TED
(pulling the trigger)
What?

BILL
Our guns aren?t loaded.

Bullets still sailing past them, the guys continue to shoot impotently, their guns "clicking" lamely.

BILL
(continuing; pulling the trigger)
Ted.  We had better do something.

TED
(pulling the trigger)
Yah.  It would be most bogus to die a
hundred years before we were born.

BILL / TED
(together)
Cover me, dude.

And, as bullets continue to whiz by them both guys hurtle backwards through another window, shattering glass and landing inside the general store with a crash, on their backs.  They both quickly dive for cover as outside the Posse members continue firing, closing in on the store.  Inside the store, Bill and Ted scramble across the floor, bullets zipping over their heads.

BILL
Ted, if I die, you can have my Iron Maiden albums.

TED
Thanks, dude.  And you can have mine.

The guys look around the store, spotting a counter with a sign reading "BULLETS ? 1 CENT EACH."  They look at each other.

BILL / TED
Excellent.

Bill and Ted shimmy across the floor, then dive behind the counter and grab a handful of bullets.  But, just as they finish loading their guns a pistol is thrust into frame, pointed straight at Bill and Ted.

VOICE
Alright, you two . . .

PULL BACK TO REVEAL that the voice belongs to ?

BILLY THE KID
Let?s go.

And Bill and Ted, relieved, follow Billy the Kid out onto another street where they all dive behind a water trough.  Bullets ring off the metal.  Billy the Kid rises out of a crouch to fire off some shots at the Posse.  Bill and Ted also pop up and start to fire their pistols.  Instantly, however, the guns are shot out of their hands.  The guys duck back down and look at each other.

TED
Now we don?t got any guns, dude.

BILL
Well . . . we still got bullets.

And as the guys look down at their handful of bullets, we cut to a gritty, bearded vigilante approaching the water trough, gun cocked.  Suddenly, a little metal bullet clunks him on the head like a pebble.

VIGILANTE
What the . . . ?

He looks around, confused, as Ted pops up and hurls two or three more bullets at him, hitting him in the head again.  The posse member rubs his forehead as another bullet bounces off.

POSSE MEMBER
. . . ouch . . .

Looking around, he staggers backward and falls into a water trough.  Bill looks over at his buddy and gives the thumbs up sign.  Then, noticing a Posse Member way up on a roof, cocks his arm and heaves a bullet.  Beat.  Then the Posse Member rubs his forehead, stumbles, and falls three stories to the ground.

TED
Nice shot, dude.

The street has quieted down.  Between Bill, Ted and Billy the Kid, most of the Posse members have been vanquished.  The guys look at Billy the Kid.

BILL
Did we win, Billy the Kid?

BILLY THE KID
Two more.

And he gestures to a group of barrels about twenty yards away, where the last two Posse members ? the Leader and the Old West Ugly Dude ? are crouched down, guns still drawn.  Ted looks at the Posse members, then nudges Bill.

TED
Bill.  Check it out.

And he points at the Posse members' underwear which is barely sticking out of the top of their pants.  Bill and Ted look at each other and smile.  They look over to Billy the Kid, who?s re-loading his gun.

BILL
Cover us, Billy the Kid.

BILLY THE KID
Wh - ?

And Bill and Ted steal away.  Near the barrels, Bill and Ted creep up behind the two posse members who are also re-loading.  Bill and Ted stop, now directly behind them.

BILL
(sotto)
Ready, Ted?

TED
(sotto)
Ready, Bill.

BILL
(sotto)
One - two - three.

TED
Go!

And Bill suddenly stands and pulls the Posse members? long underwear up, giving them each a Melvin.  Ted follows this by "pantsing" the Posse members ? pulling their pants down around their knees.  As the two confused Posse members stagger around, trying to tug their long underwear down and their pants up, Bill and Ted knock the guns out of their hands.

TED
Good goin?, Bill Wyld!

BILL
You too, Stallyn Ted!

And as the Posse members continue to struggle with their pants, Bill and Ted high-five each other.  Billy the Kid rides up to the guys in horseback and Bill and Ted jump onto the horse, awkwardly clinging to its sides as it takes off down the street.  As the horse tears out of view, we hear an exuberant, fading AIR GUITAR, and we:

CUT TO:

Billy is nervous in the van.  Bill and Ted try to comfort him.

TED
I know it sounds confusing, but it really isn?t.
(beat)
Did you see Back to the Future?

Bill asks Rufus to take them to ?The Golden Age of Civilization.  Greece.?  Ted comments that they already have Napoleon, who is with his brother Deacon.

The Farrell?s scene ( Farrell?s is called by name) is now in place with the two girls, Kerry and Daphne, double dating and eating the trough with Napoleon.

The van arrives in a tree covered field.  Bill and Ted get out, Billy steps out with the football (Ted gives Billy the football now and explains it is safe to throw in the van).

BILL
C?mon Ted.
(to Rufus)
Rufus, please watch Billy the Kid.

TED
Yah, we?re gonna go round up some Greekniks.

 

Billy the Kid and Rufus watch Bill and Ted bound off.

BILLY THE KID
(still perplexed)
Who are these guys, anyways?

RUFUS
(simply)
They?re Bill and Ted.

The scene with Socrates is also different from the first draft:

They go up to the class and Socrates dismisses the class.  Bill and Ted walk along with Socrates with Rufus and Billy the Kid following, tossing the Nerf football.

BILL
. . . So, basically, what I?m saying is
?all we are is dust in the wind.?

TED
(nodding)
Yeah, and ?all your money won?t another minute buy.?

Bill and Ted look at each other.  Then --

BILL / TED
"Breath deep, the gathering gloom.
Watch lights fade, the empty room."

Socrates looks at Rufus, who translates this for him.  Rufus then turns to Bill and Ted.

RUFUS
I had a question for you.

BILL
Shoot, Rufus.

RUFUS
What is "Excellent?"

BILL
(thinks)
Well . . . when something?s good ?

TED
That?s excellent.

BILL
(nods)
When something?s really good ?

TED
That?s most excellent.

RUFUS
What about when something is excellent?

BILL / TED
That?s outstanding.

ANOTHER CLEARING - MOMENTS LATER

The guys continue to walk with Socrates, who is now sipping a Pepsi and eating Cheese-Puffs and they explain to him how Rome will take them over and then Rome will fall.


Continue . . .


 

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BILL & TED characters are trademarks of Nelson 1991 Inc. The motion picture BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE ? 1989 Nelson Films Inc. All Rights Reserved. The motion picture BILL & TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY ? 1991 Orion Pictures Corporation. All Rights Reserved.