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The show starts with Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen coming out on stage. Mary Kate is roaringly drunk, much to Ashley?s consternation. As Mary Kate explains, "You go into rehab with one problem and come out with a whole new one!" Mary Kate explains to the audience they might hear swearing and see some offensive material during the show, plus loud music. A guy (their dad?) comes out and says Mary Kate must go back into rehab, but Mary Kate insists Ashley is her and the man carts Ashley off instead. Mary Kate encourages the audience to start singing "We Will Rock You" before she rushes off stage to throw up.
The song "We Will Rock You" starts playing but is interrupted by someone yelling "Stop!" The song "Things Just Keep Getting Better" starts and the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy guys come out and start criticizing the sets and audience members. They decide to help their male straight friends by exciting the females in the audience by singing "Sweet Cherry Pie." A host of beautiful hot female dancers come out perform with them.
"We Will Rock You" starts again and plays through one chorus. When it ends we hear the audio soundtrack of a special news report saying that President George Bush and Senator John Kerry have been kidnapped. The phone booth arrives and out step the Presidential nominees followed by Darth Vader and a storm trooper. George Bush protests and calls their kidnaper Ralph Nader by mistake. Vader instructs the storm trooper to take the phone booth back before Bill and Ted realize it?s missing.
Bush demands to know who?s behind the kidnapping and out steps Dr. Evil. Bush warns him that there are probably Secret Service guys everywhere and Dr. Evil assures him they are well underground in his secret lair . . . he also adds the decor is from the "Martha Stewart Prison B**** Collection." John Kerry assured Dr. Evil they will not cooperate with him while George Bush runs around looking for a bathroom. Dr. Evil explains that it doesn?t matter, as he will become President. Kerry tells Dr. Evil he can?t just steal an election. Bush laughs and says, "Yes, he can!"
Kerry points out that Dr. Evil will need a running mate, and out comes Montgomery Burns. Dr. Evil then introduces the rest of his cabinet . . . Michael Jackson as Secretary of Child Services. He further explains he?s invited a bunch of villains to their first convention, which they have titled Shock a Con. Dr. Evil also says he will have interns and brings out Paris and Nicole Richie. The girls say they have been looking for Clark Kent, the student reporter Dr. Evil hired to cover the convention.
Clark Kent appears from above. Dr. Evil comments on the mild mannered reporter?s entrance and then cries "Oh crap, it?s Superman! Oh, my mistake. Superman doesn?t wear glasses, people!" Clark sees that Nicole has his camera and asks what she was doing with it. She tells him to check the internet in a week. Paris cleans the lens of Clark?s camera, leading to a very naughty looking pose.
Mr. Burns tells the girls to take the Bush and Kerry to their "rooms" where they will be subjected to an all night Trading Spaces marathon. Paris and Nicole take them away in the elevator.
The Wicked Witch of the West arrives on her bicycle. The baddies assemble on the stairs to have their pictures taken by Clark Kent. Dr. Evil announces his first Presidential act will be to kill Bill & Ted. He says he has invited them to perform for a special charitable show booked by a rich celebrity. The Wicked Witch points out that Bill & Ted know what Dr. Evil looks like, but Dr. Evil assures them he?ll be in disguise. Mr. Burns guesses they will kill Bill & Ted by cutting them down with a super laser, then the Witch guesses they?ll drop a house on them. Burns guesses they might use some kyptonite he has against them and when Dr. Evil says "No" Burns tosses it aside casually. It lands next to Clark Kent who collapses on the stage. Darth Vader says he likes the super laser idea. Dr. Evil says they will keep it simple and that on his signal they?ll just beat the crap out of them until they?re dead.
At this point the Queer Eye guys come back on for a "Queer Eye Quick Tip" on how to use the "back door approach" to kill a mortal enemy. In demonstrating, Mr. Burns becomes irritated and says "You?re taking advice from Ellen DeGeneres?" Dr. Evil says "I don?t even know what that means!"
The phone booth begins to arrive and everyone runs and hides. Bill and Ted step out of the booth, excited about performing. Michael Jackson greets them and they respond with "Wacko Jacko!" Bill and Ted make their traditional introduction. Michael Jackson introduces the sponsor of the event, Mr. Donald Trump. Dr. Evil walks down the stairs wearing a Donald Trump wig and welcomes them. "It is I, the Trumpster. I hope you?re both ready to die . . . I mean play! Play play." Bill mentions about the cat and Dr. Evil throws it clear over the back of the stage, then starts saying "You?re fired!" to everyone. Bill and Ted are convinced it?s Donald Trump and Bill comments on how his hair looks better in person. Dr. Evil says "You think so?" and absent-mindedly removes the wig, talking about how he likes it better than the bald look. Seeing him bald, Bill and Ted gasp "Dr. Evil!" Dr. Evil takes a moment to react to what he?s done and then cries "Oh son of a b****!" He gives the signal to kill Bill and Ted and soon they are completely surrounded.
But Bill and Ted turn the tables and say this has been a trap for the bad guys! They give the signal (an air guitar) and the elevator doors open and Garfield comes out strangling Mr. Burns. Dr. Evil scoffs, "Is that the best you can do? Puss in Boots?" Garfield angrily tells them who he is, aggravated at always being confused with Puss in Boots. He goes off into the corner to sulk (and lick himself).
Harry Potter then arrives through the fireplace. Harry tells the Wicked Witch she?s cast her last spell, but his voice comes out cracked. Someone comments "Boy, puberty hit you hard!" Hellboy then descends from above and joins Bill and Ted. The dudes ask Dr. Evil if he really thinks they would fall for his bogus plan and that they will save the President dudes. Dr. Evil says no one will disrupt his Shock a Con which leads to an impromptu performance of "Chaka Khan" by everyone. During the song the elevator doors open and Bush and Kerry are seen inside dancing close together.
Dr. Evil gives the order to kill them and a fight and chase takes place all around the set until everyone disappears. Finding himself alone, Garfield decides to indulge in some catnip. But then Paris and Nicole come out and say they loved him in Shrek 2. Once again Garfield explains he is not Puss in Boots. But the girls intrigue him and they start to flirt. In the midst of their near orgy, there is a noise and Garfield says it?s his wife. Catwoman drops down from above and starts to berate Garfield for cheating. Garfield says "Are you that upset your movie did worse than mine?" Garfield insists he did not have sexual relations with the women . . . and then Paris coughs up a hairball. Catwoman goes after the three of them.
Bill and Ted appear and say they need to find the Presidential dudes. Just then Darth Vader appears and uses the force against them (let?s just say Bill and Ted clutch their crotches in agony and say "The force sucks!"). Bill says "Dude, if we?re gonna die, I wanna tell you something! I?m really jealous of your movie career!" Ted answers, "I too must confess . . . I really like you?re a** in those jeans!" Darth Vader then confesses "That was me!" and waves his cape, knocking Bill and Ted back from a pungent smell. "Behold the power of cheese!" Vader exclaims.
Clark Kent appears and says "This is a job for Superman!" He runs down to the front of the stage and tears off his clothes so he is only wearing a cape and a pair of tight briefs with the Superman logo on the front. "Now I know why they call the show Smallville!" Bill laughs. Superman runs into the elevator as Garfield runs out. Hellboy shows up to fight Darth Vader. Vader uses the force to knock away Hellboy?s gun, but Hellboy grabs Vader in a not so pleasant place and throws him into the phone booth which takes off.
Harry Potter and the Wicked Witch show up to have a wizard?s duel. Harry Potter throws a spell that ricochets all around the theater. The Wicked Witch throws a spell which knocks Harry off his feet . . . and into the waiting arms of Michael Jackson! "Looks like Christmas came early this year!" Michael cries happily as he carries Harry offstage.
The Wicked Witch chases after Bill and Ted and accidentally steps on Garfield?s tail. She calls him Puss and Boots and that?s the last straw. Garfield backs her into a corner and . . . well . . . lifts his leg to her, causing her to melt. Dr. Evil and Mr. Burns arrive back on stage with Bush and Kerry. In order to show they mean business, Burns kicks John Kerry in the shin, but Kerry shrugs it off, saying it didn?t even hurt. "Bet you?ll still get a Purple Heart for it, though!" Bush snaps.
Bush and Kerry start fighting with each other. Dr. Evil tries to break them up, saying it?s his show, but Bush socks him in the jaw with a hearty "Don?t mess with Texas!" Kerry approaches Burns and Burns says "Wait wait! I have some good news! I just saved money on car insurance by switching to Geico!" Kerry replies, "I hate those commercials!" and punches Burns out as well.
Kerry and Bush start to go at each other again and Michael Jackson starts singing "Beat It." The cast members gather behind Bush and Kerry to form opposing gangs and they dance like the original Jackson music video. There follows several music numbers, including a brief bit of William Hung singing "She Bang."
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