DEATH BEFORE DEATH
Bogus Journey wasn?t the Grim Reaper?s first appearance!
by Linda Kay

    If you?re a fan of several different things you may have noticed that sometimes your favorite fandoms can coincide in ways you totally didn?t expect.  Such was the case for me a while back when I did a video trade and ended up with something totally unexpected and exciting instead!

    I?ve always been a fan of the British comedy series The Goodies, a show which was popular at the same time as Monty Python's Flying Circus and starred Bill Oddie, Graeme Garden and Tim Brooke-Taylor, all of whom had gone to school and performed with the Cambridge half of Python (Chapman, Cleese and Idle) as members of the Footlights club (for more info, check out the Goodies online fan club at www.goodiesruleok.com.)

    I traded some Goodies-related video with a fan in England, and one thing she sent to me was a series called Assaulted Nuts, a 1985 sketch show which featured Tim Brooke-Taylor as a cast member.  The show was kind of a joint effort between England and America and aired briefly in both countries but was never a huge hit.  I looked forward to watching the series, and was even more excited when I saw another one of the regular cast members was familiar to me . . . Bill Sadler!  To know Bill Sadler and Tim Brooke-Taylor had worked together tickled me to no end.

    But I was totally unprepared for the shock I received when viewing the episodes and suddenly in one sketch the door opens and there is none other than . . . Death!  Not just someone else doing a Death character, not just Bill Sadler carrying a scythe and dressed in black, but Death!  Same look, same voice, same mannerisms, even the same insecurity and paranoia!  This was a surprise, as I had no idea Bill Sadler had ever performed the part before Bogus Journey (the character of Death was completely established in the script before Bill Sadler had even been cast).  It made me think that likely Sadler walked into the auditions doing this exact same version and it was a hit.  And no wonder . . . even this brief sketch from this sometimes funny, sometimes not very funny, show is definitely one of the better segments.  Tim even makes a very brief cameo at the end of the sketch, making it even more priceless to me.  But I knew fans would love to know this bit of trivia, so here is a complete transcript of the sketch as it appeared on the show.  Excellent!

ASSAULTED NUTS SKETCH
Starring Bill Sadler and Elaine Hausman

The sketch opens in a small apartment.  We see a woman (SALLY) doing aerobics, decked out in full aerobics gear (leotard, tights, leg warmers, pink wrap around top and a headband).  A record player provides the music.  There is a knock on the door and she runs to answer it.

Upon opening the door she is met with the sight of DEATH, standing in dark robes with a scythe in one hand and a clipboard in the other.  He consults the clipboard as he speaks (in a very thick Swedish accent, a la Bergman?s The Seventh Seal).

DEATH: Is this apartment number 9 . . . S. Sommens?

SALLY: Sure.  Are you the plumber?

DEATH (rolls eyes): No, I am Death!

SALLY (unfazed): Oh, well I?m Sally!  Come on in!  Hey, you into aerobics?

Death enters, already looking flustered.

DEATH: No, I?m Death.  I?ve come to take you.

SALLY: Whoa - kay! (She continues to bounce around the apartment)

DEATH: No, I mean I have come to take you away.

SALLY: Oh sure.  I?ll pack some things. (She continues to exercise)

DEATH (incredulous): Don?t I scare you?  Aren?t you afraid just a little bit?

SALLY (laughing): Are you kidding?  With that weirdo makeup? (She points to his face)

DEATH: It is not make up!  I am naturally pale!  I have been dead for thousands of centuries!

SALLY: Wait a minute . . . can I fix you a drink?

DEATH: I have no thirst.

SALLY: A pickle sandwich?

DEATH: How dare you! (Slams his clipboard down on a nearby table) I am the most awesome and terrifying figure in mankind?s experience!  And you dare to offer me a pickle sandwich?

SALLY: Speaking of awesome . . . did you see Jack Nicholson in the Playgirl centerfold?  He made the staples sit up!

DEATH: I am not interested in Jack Nicholson . . . (looks into camera) . . . yet.

SALLY: That?s your mistake!  Hey listen . . . think positive!

DEATH: Think positive?  Don?t be ridiculous!  I am Death!! (He is upset when Sally only laughs at him)  You find me ridiculous, don?t you?

SALLY: Listen, let?s just go, shall we?

DEATH (moves to sit on couch, acting hurt): No.  No, wait a minute.  I want you to tell me what is basically wrong with me.

SALLY: That?s your problem!  Let?s go, shall we?

DEATH: No, no, no, I do not go yet!  I want you to tell me why I am not happy.

SALLY: It probably had something to do with your mother.

DEATH: I had no mother.

SALLY: She died before you were born!

DEATH: Nobody died before I was born!  I am Death!  I walk into a room and people scream!

SALLY: Okay . . . you asked . . . I?m gonna tell ya. (She sits down next to Death on the couch)

DEATH (apprehensive): What?

SALLY: Basically, you?re too negative.  You need a fresh approach.  Forget all this Death crap.  Come bouncing in and say "Hi there!  The bad news is it?s a lousy life, the good news is it?s over and you?re dead!"

DEATH: You?re making fun of me!

SALLY: You are such a big baby!

DEATH (whining): I am not!!

SALLY: You are! Hey listen . . . take me away!

DEATH: No!

SALLY: No?

DEATH: No!  I am going on my own! (storms to the door, gathering his clipboard on the way)  Who wants you anyway?  Next time that you get seasick or eat some bad chicken salad and you say "Boy, I wish I was dead!" . . . forget it!

Death sticks his tongue out at Sally and then tries to exit but gets his scythe caught in the door.  He finally gets it loose and leave.  Slowly Sally turns around to look behind her, whispering happily.

SALLY: Grandpa, you can come out now!

An old man peeks from behind the couch where he was hiding (played by Tim Brooke-Taylor).

THE END

You can now view this sketch in its entirety on our YouTube Channel!