BILL & TED characters are trademarks of Nelson 1991 Inc. The motion picture BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE & © 1989 Nelson Films Inc. All Rights Reserved. The motion picture BILL & TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY © 1991 Orion Pictures Corporation. All Rights Reserved.
Feel free to share these stories with your friends, but please don't repost on the web without asking the author's permission first. Thanks!!
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” Travel through the circuits of time was never a quiet affair. Bill and Ted took full advantage of this every opportunity they could. This time, they were coming home after some research into futuristic music.
The booth landed with a slight bump and the boys got out. They were, as
usual, parked in front of Bill’s dad’s garage. As they walked toward
the front door, they heard Mr. Preston calling. “Bill, I need to talk to
you alone.” Bill glanced back at Ted before silently disappearing inside
his house. Ted flopped down on the porch to wait out whatever it was that
Bill’s dad had to say to him. When Bill came back out about ten minutes
later, he didn’t look Ted in the eyes.
“I’ll see ya later, kay?” Bill said quietly. Ted nodded, slightly confused, but turned down the drive toward his house.
Later that evening, there was a knock at his window. Ted jumped up and opened it, allowing Bill to squeeze through the crack. Bill didn’t say anything, just sat on Ted’s bed and stared intently at his shoelaces.
“Bill, you can tell me what’s wrong, you know that.” Bill just shrugged. “I know your shoelaces aren’t that interesting!” Ted insisted. Bill again just shrugged. Ted then went and sat next to his best friend. Bill turned his head onto Ted’s shoulder and started bawling; didn’t say anything, just cried into his friend’s shoulder.
The next morning, the boys were woken up by a loud pounding on Ted’s bedroom door. “Get up Ted, you’re going to be late for class!” Captain Logan bellowed.
“Alright dad! I’m going!” Ted yelled back. He nudged Bill awake. “Class time, dude.” Bill got up, went over to the window and left without a word. Ted stared after him worriedly. He’d never seen Bill like this, ever. Not the three times his dad had remarried, not after they died, not after they thought the princesses would leave and go live with their grandmother. Never. And it scared him.
Two hours later, after Ted came back from his English class at the local college, he wasn’t surprised to see Bill sitting in front of his garage, guitar in hand. “Wanna jam?” Bill asked hesitantly.
“Ya! Just let me get my guitar.” Five minutes later they were lost in the symphony of rock. Their reprieve didn’t last long before they were interrupted by a familiar sound from outside. The garage door rose to reveal Rufus, a smile on his face. “What’s up, dude?” Ted greeted him.
“I have a surprise for you!”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Ted hurriedly threw a few more shirts into his worn, but still bright, red backpack. Rufus’ surprise had been a two day trip to the greatest water park in known history, Waterloo 12,000. He looked up at a knock on his window. He nodded to tell Rufus he was coming.
Ted yelled some lame excuse to his dad about where he was going and ran across the street to Bill’s garage. Rufus and Bill were already waiting for him.
“Are you ready for this, dude?” he asked Bill excitedly, almost jumping up and down.
“Ya.” Bill replied, none too enthusiastically. That still puzzled Ted, but he figured Bill would tell him what was wrong when he was good and ready. Rufus reached into the booth and dialed the number for the boys, stepping back with a “Have fun!”
spent the whole ten minute ride trying to get Bill to say something other than
“ya”. Frankly, it was starting to get on his nerves. He was just
about to give up when he was distracted by a strange light outside. Then,
they fell against the wall as the booth was violently jerked out of its current
position and started flying at super speed toward the light.
The booth landed with a very loud crash in the middle of a forest. Then, it started rolling. Bill and Ted hung onto each other for dear life, yelling their heads off. When it finally landed, both boys flew out the doors, accompanied by millions of shards of glass. Ted managed to roll when he landed, eliminating most injuries, but still sustaining a very painful twisted ankle. Bill, however, was not so lucky.
“Dude, you okay?” Ted called out, after the dust settled. Bill just grunted, rolling over to inspect his injuries.
think I broke my arm, Ted.” He said seriously. He held out the offended
appendage and grimaced. It was definitely broken, but what worried them
the most was the gash running down his arm. Ted crawled over where the
remains of his backpack lay, hauling out a t-shirt. He then picked up a
few pieces of metal that had broke off in the crash and using the t-shirt,
splinted and wrapped Bill’s arm. Bill let out the breath he didn’t
know he was holding and glanced up at Ted.
“Ow.” He whispered shakily. Ted gave him a sympathetic look and said “Why don’t you lay down for a while?” Bill barely managed a nod before he fell down in the dirt. Ted managed to drag him over beneath the remains of the phone booth before he, too, succumbed to the pain.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Ted bolted awake, breathing hard. He was sure he heard something. He looked over toward Bill to see if he had seen anything. Bill wasn’t there. Ted looked around frantically, whispering Bill’s name, not daring to shout. He snapped his head around when he heard a twig snap. Bill was being carried off, like a sack of potatoes, by the meanest looking man Ted had ever seen.
Ted ducked down behind a large boulder, silently praying that the man didn’t see him. He had been following the man, who looked like a warrior of some kind, for some time. After a few seconds of silence, Ted peeked his head up only to see the warrior disappear inside a small building on the side of the road, taking Bill with him.
Knowing they wouldn’t come out for a while, Ted took the opportunity to sit and rest. His ankle still hurt, but after wrapping it tightly in some make-shift bandages, he was able to keep up with the jerk who had walked off with his best friend.
He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out the water bottle he had shoved in there. When he had awoken to find Bill missing, he didn’t bother with his backpack, just walked off with what he had in his pockets. After only a few drinks, he decided to save the rest for Bill, cuz he just knew the bad guys wouldn’t give Bill any water. A minute or two later, the warrior came back out – WITHOUT BILL! Ted tensed as he walked by his hiding space and CRASH the warrior went down. Ted immediately immobilized the warrior by standing with his foot on the other man’s windpipe. He looked at his captive as menacingly as he could.
“Whatdya do with Bill?” Ted demanded. The warrior’s only response was to incline his chin in the direction of the building. Ted blew his bang out of his face. “I know that, I followed you, didn’t I? Why?” The warrior, seeing the terror in Ted’s eyes from not knowing the fate of his best friend, took pity on Ted.
“Your brother is inside. I do not know why, only that my boss wants him.” Ted still looked skeptical, but let the man up.
Ted looked the man in the eye, waiting for him to continue. When he saw the profound sadness in the warrior’s eyes, Ted swallowed his panic. Something bad was going to happen, he just knew it. “What about Bill? Is he okay?"
“He is awake. But…” “But what?”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Bill was rudely awoken by a blast of pain. He rolled over with a groan, momentarily confused, before he was roughly pulled to his knees. Once the world stopped spinning, a man walked over to him.
“Who are you?” Bill asked. The man smirked and backhanded Bill so hard he saw stars.
“Do not question me.” Bill glared at the man, then looked beside him to reassure Ted. Looking around, Bill realized that Ted was nowhere to be found.
“Where’s Ted?” “OH, Ted is it?” the man sneered. “He scampered off the minute he saw you were no longer there to burden him.”
“Liar!!” Bill lunged at the man, fully intending to wipe the smirk of his face forcibly, when he was brought up short by the picture that was shoved in his face.
The picture was one they had taken three months before, when they took the princesses to Disneyland. They all stood in front of Cinderella’s castle, smiling and waving. Bill started to have a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, like something bad was about to happen.
“Where did you get that?” Bill asked suspiciously. With an evil grin the older man pulled out Ted’s old, worn backpack. Bill’s stomach flip-flopped. Ted never went anywhere without his backpack-ever! The only time he had was when…
Outside, Ted contemplated how to get into the formidable fortress when he heard Bill’s voice echo.
“NO!! YOU BASTARD!!” and then, to Ted’s horror, the cry was punctuated by the distinct sound of a gunshot.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
“Bill, no.” Ted whispered, visions of his life without his best friend. From the desperation in Bill’s voice, Ted could only imagine what his friend might have done. He ran forward, sneaking around behind the building where the guard told him there was a vent he could probably sneak into.
There, hidden behind a scraggly thorn bush, was a very rusty grate. Ted grabbed the bars and pulled. It fell out of the wall and fell into the dust with a dull thump and a cloud of dust. Getting onto his hands and knees Ted crawled through a metal corridor, looking into every room, desperately praying that when he found Bill, his friend would be okay. Finally, he heard voices drifting down the air shaft.
“… with me?!” Ted winced at the absolute despair in Bill’s voice. There was an evil laugh and then the meaty sound of a punch landing on flesh. Ted crawled faster, finally finding the grate that opened into a blank room.
Bill was hanging from a rope tied to the ceiling, his hands suspended above his head. It was obvious that the dark man in a suit was the one who had just punched Bill. Bill glared at the man, then spit on the man’s immaculate shoes. Ted had to stifle a yelp when the man pulled back and punched Bill hard in the stomach. Then, he left, leaving Bill gasping for breath.
Just as Ted was going to announce his presence to his friend, he stopped. Another, younger man had slipped in through a back door. He untied Bill and re-wrapped his arm, then patTed Bill’s shoulder in comfort. What surprised Ted was that Bill didn’t thank the young man. He didn’t even seem to notice that the youth exisTed. Once the young man left, Bill curled up into a ball and starTed sobbing, though whether from pain or something else, Ted couldn’t tell.
Unable to sit by and watch his friend hurt, Ted jumped down from his perch in the ventilation system and landed in front of Bill with a small yelp of pain, falling forward onto his hands. He looked up to see Bill staring at him, open-mouthed.
“T-Ted?” Bill asked. Ted nodded, about to say something, but was cut off by Bill launching himself at Ted, enveloping him in a big bear hug. “Ted.” Bill sobbed.
“Bill?” Ted was starting to worry. “What’s up, dude?” the sound of the everyday word jerked Bill out of his stupor.
“Nothin’, dude. Let’s find a way out of here.”
“Ya know… dude? Running… from bad guys… is getting’ old!”
“No… duh, Ted!” They ducked, as the three evil dudes shot at them again. Bill tripped over a tree branch and Ted hauled him up again. Just as their attackers decided to shoot again, Bill and Ted jumped into the relative safety of the time machine.
“Dial fast, dude!” Ted yelled, with a strange feeling of déjà-vu.
“I’m hurryin’!” Bill snapped, punching in the first address he could think of.
The booth landed with a thump in front of the Halls of Excellence (the futuristic place with the domes). Rufus was waiting for them. He blinked in surprise at the makeshift bandages and mud that resulted in them looking very disheveled.
“C’mon dudes. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
After they were treated, the boys went home.
After raiding the
fridge in bill’s garage, the boys sat on the stage, Pepsis in hand.
“So.” Ted looked at Bill, who nodded that he was listening. ”What exactly happened back there? I mean, when I came in?”
Bill sighed. “I thought you died,” he stated bluntly. Ted just looked at him, obviously confused. “The dudes showed me the picture of us and the babes at Disneyland. They said you ran away, but I knew you wouldn’t do that, so I assumed they killed you and were lying to me.”
“Wow.” Ted just sat, imagining what Bill must have gone through. “Well, I’m here.” Bill nodded. “Now, there’s one thing left to do.”
“Go back to Disneyland so I can replace my picture.”
“Okay, dude!” Bill said, smiling.