Bill and Ted's
Most Outstanding Journey

Written by:
lost girl97


BILL & TED characters are trademarks of Nelson 1991 Inc. The motion picture BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE & © 1989 Nelson Films Inc. All Rights Reserved. The motion picture BILL & TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY © 1991 Orion Pictures Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

Feel free to share these stories with your friends, but please don't repost on the web without asking the author's permission first. Thanks!!


"Hey Ted," Bill said, "Want to jam before going to school?"

"I don’t know, dude, my dad seemed most heinously mad this morning," Ted shivered gloomily at the image of what had happened.

"Whoa, what’s wrong dude?" Bill asked with concern.

"I don’t know, dude, but let’s just get to school, we’re late for the fourth time this week, and if they call my dad and your dad or Missy again then who knows what they will do to us," Ted said worriedly.

"Sure man, let’s go," Bill said, obviously not wanting to get into any more trouble than he already was.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Bill and Ted," said Mr. Ryan their History teacher seriously, "you are late for what?, the FOURTH time this week!"  Both boys nodded their heads.

"I’m going to notify both your parents/parent,"  Mr. Ryan said while picking up the phone to call Mr. Logan.

"PLEASE DON’T CALL THEM!  Mr. Ryan, dude you don’t know how mean and evil they are!" Bill pleaded.

"I’m sorry, Bill, but I have to," he said while dialing Ted’s number.

"Hello?" Mr. Logan said as he answered the phone.

"Hello, Mr. Logan, this is Ted’s teacher, Mr. Ryan, from San Dimus High School," Mr. Ryan said.

"Yeah, what did he do this time?" Mr. Logan asked.

"Well, you see, Ted has been late four times for school and has been failing all except English, and I was hoping that maybe you could talk to him about it?" Mr. Ryan asked, as he looked over at Bill and Ted, who were hiding under their desks.

"Yeah, I am going to have a long ‘talk’ with Ted when he gets home from school!" Mr. Logan replied rather angrily.

"Thank you," Mr. Ryan said as they hung up the phone and started to dial Bill’s phone number and got mostly the same response as what Ted’s dad gave him except the only thing different about the conversation is that Bill cannot play his guitar for at least 5 months!

When school was over, Bill and Ted talked about what would happen on the walk home.

"Bill?" Ted started to break the silence, also sounding very worried.

"Yeah, Ted," Bill replied with some worry in his voice as well.

Ted asked, "What do you think they are going to do to us?!"

"Whoa, I dunno Ted, maybe they won’t be as harsh on us as last time!" Bill said as he turned his mind to what had happened last time with his own dad rather than what Ted’s dad did to him……..

It was on the second day they were late, when Bill got home, his dad was waiting.

"BILL GET IN HERE AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK, AND IF I SEE YOU GOOFING OFF OTHER THAN DOING YOUR HOMEWORK OR PLAYING YOUR GUITAR THEN YOU WILL NOT EVEN HAVE ONE IS THAT CLEAR?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??" his dad yelled.

"Yes dad it is most clear!" he said as he got out his homework and started staring at Missy in the kitchen . . . . . . . . .

"Dude?" Ted said trying to get his attention.

"Yeah, sorry dude, what did you say?" Bill asked Ted while also apologizing.

"All I am saying is that we can make it through, I HOPE!" Ted said as they reached Ted’s house.

"Don’t worry," Bill said as he left for his own house.  As Bill went to his house and opened the door, his dad was standing with his guitar broken in half . . . it was the white guitar that Rufus had given him.

"I TOLD YOU WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU GOOFED OFF, BILL!!!!" his dad had said throwing his guitar down at Bill’s feet.

"DAD!!!!  THAT WAS MOST UNFAIR!" Bill screamed as he ran out of the house with his broken guitar.

"BILL YOU GET BACK HERE!!" his dad yelled.

After a while Bill came home and started towards his room, crying his eyes out, because his dad was yelling at how stupid and dumb it was to just walk out on his family like that and not telling where or what time he was going to be back.  He was in his room crying on his bed holding onto his pillow when he got out his homework and started to get out the history and math and 3 English essays he had to do as his homework that night.

Then Bill got up from his bed and got his homework out and started on his history questions:

1.) Who was it that took over the French War?

A. Napoleon                     C. Britain
B. Saddam Hussein           D. The Shah

"Man, this is a hard question……I hope I get a good grade on it…..and maybe my dad will stop saying I am worthless……..and can’t do anything right……" Bill said to himself with a sigh.  As morning came, Bill fell asleep on his last essay after getting the rest of his homework done.

"Bill, time to get up for school!"  His dad had yelled from downstairs.  Bill didn’t reply.  His dad went up into his room to see what was going on.

"Bill?" his dad called up as he opened the door.

"IT WASN’T ME I SWEAR TO STATION!"  Bill sat up straight, he just got startled from his dad’s hand on his shoulder and it scared him.

"What?!"  His dad asked, really confused as he noticed a stack of homework papers laying on his desk.  "Did you do your homework last night, Bill?" he asked.

"Yeah………But I guess I fell asleep on my last piece of homework which is my essay for English, we had to write an essay about a religious leader who you would be interested in, I picked Napoleon, an essay about hobbies or something, I picked football and guitars, and the one I almost finished except for the conclusion it's about something exciting that happened in my life, and I picked my first time to ever play the guitar," Bill said with one breath.

"Okaaaaaaaaaay, I think you are just a little too tired," his dad said.  "Well anyway, time for school, Missy has to take you, you have already missed the bus."

"Alright," Bill said as his dad left.  Bill got dressed in a red shirt, black pants, and a black hoodie (I love hoodies), grabbed his homework and put it into his dark green, black and blue backpack that he borrowed from Ted, and headed for Missy’s red car.

Meanwhile at school………..

"Hand in your homework assignment that I have given you yesterday and pass it up front," Mr. Ryan said, as he saw Bill hand in his paper along with Ted who had copied from Bill’s paper because he didn’t get his finished all the way.

"WOW!  I am surprised!" Mr. Ryan said.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Ted’s version of when he got home)

"TED THEODORE LOGAN GET IN HERE THIS INSTANT!"  His dad yelled from the living room as Ted walked in through the front door.

"Yes, sir," Ted said as he walked in and took his spot on the couch where he usually sat when he got into some kind of trouble.

"Ted I got a phone call from your principal today and I am so furious right now!  Your punishment is that you can no longer see your so-called friend Bill and you will never play the guitar again!  It is only slowing down your studies.  Do I make myself clear?"  His dad said looking directly into Ted’s eyes.

"Yes, sir," Ted said as he sunk into the couch like a cat hating water (he is basically mad at his dad, Ted is the cat and his dad is the water.)

"Good, now get your homework done, and meet me in the kitchen here at 8:30p.m. sharp so I can look it over!" his dad said as he walked out of the living room and into the kitchen.

And so Ted went into his room to start do his homework.  He started on his math homework, when he came to problem number 13 (out of 45) so he went to the kitchen to were his dad was.

"Dad?" Ted said as he entered the kitchen.

"Yeah?" Ted’s dad asked Ted as he entered the kitchen.

"I need help on number 13 in math….." Ted asked kind of nervously.

"Sure, I’ll help you."  His dad asked rather excitedly, as he walked over to Ted as he motioned for him to sit down at the table.

" A + B = ?: A = 4 B = 98," Ted read out of the math book.

"Well, substitute A with 4 and substitute B with 98 and add 4 + 98 and what do you get?" his dad asked.

"Uh…………..102?" Ted said as he looked at his dad.

"Yeah, that’s right," his dad had said.

"Dad?  Why are you so excited?" Ted asked.

"Because I have a date with Kristy Penn, and she is going to come over tonight and have dinner," Ted’s dad said happily.

"Oh," was all Ted could say, because he didn’t want his dad to get remarried if he liked this woman too much.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Later on at school.......................

"Bill & Ted, do you have your homework finished?" their English teacher, Mrs. Toll asked.

"I do," Bill said in a whisper where she could hear him.

"Me too," Ted said sadly.

"REALLY?!" she asked surprisingly.

"Yeah," they both said together.

"WOW!!!!!!  YOU BOTH GET A++++++++++++++++++++++++++ FOR ACTUALLY DOING THE ESSAYS!!!" she said excitedly.

"Okay, whatever I guess that's cool I think," Bill said before handing in his paper.

"Yeah..........what he said," Ted said as well as handing in his three essays.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

At lunch................

Both Bill and Ted we eating lunch when all of a sudden there was an announcement for Bill and Ted to come to the principal's office.

"Bill and Ted please come to the office, Bill and Ted.  Thank You," the secretary said.

On their way down to the principal's office from the cafeteria, they started to ask each other questions.

"Dude, what do they want?" Ted asked Bill, "I mean we've done the school work for a couple of days...."

"I dunno Ted, maybe it's about assignments or something........" Bill suggested.

"Yeah, maybe."

"Bill, Ted have a seat," their principal said once they got there.

"Your in here because............"

"..................... we have had a few conferences on your grades," he started, "and it has come to my attention that both of you have been doing your homework."

"Yes, sir," Bill said as Ted was looking down at his feet.

"So we've decided to raise your grades since you did VERY good on your homework."  The bell rang.  "All right, you may go to class," their principal said while standing up and holding the door open for them and they headed out as he closed the door.

"That was a weird conversation with the principal dude!" Bill said as they grabbed their stuff from the chair in the office.

"Yeah..........." Ted said, still sounding sad.

"What's wrong, dude?" Bill asked.

"Nothing..... my dad has a date with someone he works with and I just hate her and she is so, I don't know ........ NOT into VAN HALEN!!!!!!"

"THAT IS MOST EVIL!" Bill said.

"Yeah, I know," Ted replied.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(After school.........................)

"Ted, dress nice for dinner...ok?"  His dad looked from Ted to Deacon.  Although he wasn't yelling she was going to be there in 5 minutes and he had dinner cooking in the oven.  Ted was dressed in a nice blue shirt and dark blue jeans with his low cut chucks on.

"What about this?" Ted asked his dad.

"Change into a different shirt," his dad responded.

"Ok."  Ted went to his room and grabbed a white T-shirt.

"This?" he asked.

"Fine," his dad said as the door bell rang and he answered it.  "Kristy!  Hello, I was wondering what was taking so long.  Why don't you come in and sit down?"
he said with a smile.

"Sure, thank you, Chet.  Oh and who are these two fine young men?" she asked looking at Ted and Deacon with a smile.

"Oh!  Kristy, I want you to meet my sons, Ted and Deacon," he said as they all said 'hi.'

"They sure are nice, and this is a beautiful home," she said, trying to make conversation.

"Thank you," he said as the oven beeped.

"Oh!  Dinner must be ready," he said as he left his two children with Kristy.

"Sooo .........do you two have any hobbies?" she asked.  Everything was silent while Ted was waiting for Deacon to speak first, which he did.

"I like playing baseball........" he said.

"I like playing the guitar with my excellent friend Bill........" Ted said.

"Wow that's nice...." she said.

"Do you have any hobbies?" Deacon asked.

"I like to paint and do art," she stated happily.

"Then why aren't you an artist instead of a person in an office?" Deacon asked.

"Because even if I like art, it is not good enough to put on auction and sell my paintings," she said to him.

"OH! Ok, I get it," Deacon replied.  They heard Ted's dad come in and tell everyone that supper was ready.

They all sat down at the table with Kristy sitting next to Ted's dad, Ted sitting next to Deacon, Deacon sitting next to Kristy and Ted sitting next to his dad.

"Wow this dinner is delicious!" she said while taking another bite of mashed potatoes.

"Thank you so much, Kristy," he replied.

Ted wasn't eating much, but then there was a knock on the door.

"Ted will you please get the door?" his dad asked.

"Yeah.........." Ted replied while getting up and walking to the door.

"Bill?  What are you doing here?" Ted asked.  "Why are you out of breath?  It’s only a 5 minute walk from your house to mine."

"I.......ran.........from........the......Circle K to your house," Bill said.

"WHOA!  What's wrong?" Ted asked, noticing Bill's facial expression when he was talking.

"Rufus.......got caught by........Denomolos..... You've gotta come with me or we can't get him back and remember what Rufus said about us and the future dome place and stuff?" he asked Ted.

"Yeah, of course I do......" he said.

"Ted?  Hurry up and get back in here!  We don't have all night!" Ted's dad yelled from the kitchen.  Ted went back into the kitchen.

"Dad, can I go with Bill to a place?" he asked.

"What place?  What time will you be back?" Ted’s dad started questioning.

"Uhhhh........."  He took a look at Bill and he knew from that point that he shouldn't say.

"Well?"

"Uhhh.... a place and we'll be back at......... 9:05?" Ted stuttered, trying to sound as if nothing was wrong.

"But what place?"

"The future gotta go bye!" Ted said fast and Bill and himself left for the phone booth.

(Meanwhile in the future.........)

"The Great Ones have arrived," the Most Important Person in the Universe said.

"Good.  I will be expecting to talk to them in private, I suppose?" the dude with green hair and blue polka dots asked.

"Yes, of course you will, Phil.  Don't take too long explaining because they do not have much time!"

"OH!  OF COURSE NOT . . . I WOULD NEVER DISOBEY YOU, YOUR DUDENESS!" Phillip said.

"Alright, they should be here any minute now.  I will send them in the room once they arrive," he said.

"Thank you, sir," he replied and left for THE room.  When Bill and Ted got to the future dome place they were sent into the room by the head future leader that was sitting in the hover chair.

"So, what did you want to say?" Bill asked Phillip in THE room.

"Well, for starters, Denomolos has been up to something terrible and it involves danger to you and your families and also your girlfriends.  We are not sure yet of what it is that he is constructing, but we are doing everything we can to find out what it is and we are going to tell you if we find out anything else, your Great Ones.  It will affect the future in so many ways," Phillip said as he sat down.

"THIS is going to be one NON NON NON NON NON NON HEINOUS adventure, Ted."  Bill exclaimed as Ted sighed.

"Yeah, we have to warn them, but no one will listen to us, dude," Ted stated.

"Then we'll have to find a way," Bill said as they got up from the chair and left.

It was 9:45 p.m. when they got back and Ted's dad and Bill's dad were mad.

"Ted?" his dad said as Ted knew from that point to sit on his place on the couch where he always gets into trouble.

"We need to have a serious talk .... " his dad said with a look on his face that Ted didn't recognize for the first time ever.

"Listen dad, I'm sorry that I came in later than I said I would, but it was important and I looked at my watch so I said I had to leave, and I did and I didn't notice how late I was ...... " he started to apologize.

"Shut up, that's not what I want to talk to you about.  I wanted to talk about your grades ..... they have been getting better and so I have decided to raise your allowance from $10 to $40." he said.

Then, later that night Denomolos captured the princesses, Ted's family and Bill's family while they were sleeping.

"Dad?  Missy?  Joanna?  Where are you?" Bill called out as the doorbell rang.  Bill answered it and it was Ted.

"Dude!  Deacon, my dad, and Elizabeth are gone!" Ted blurted out quickly.

"Yeah, Missy, my dad, and Joanna are gone too!" Bill said as he got an idea.  "TED!  Remember what Phillip had told us?"

"Yeah, so?"

"SOOOOOOO I think Denomolos’ plan is ready."

"Good thinking, dude," Ted said while they both went to Bill's garage and went to the future.  Denomolos was there to greet them.

"Great Ones!  You have come to join us at last, what took you so long?" Denomolos smiled an evil smile.

"NO WAY!" Bill and Ted said together.

"YES way," Denomolos replied in a mocking tone.

"Why are you doing this?" Rufus implied from the cell that Denomolos has placed Rufus, Ted's family, and Bill's family, and also their girlfriends in.\

"Because the future holds so many things for you and the great ones and without you and them.....I will claim the future as my own and rule you and the great ones!" Denomolos said before laughing in an evil manner.

"That is most unfair dude!" Bill said running up to him, but without thinking, he was grabbed by a strong, metal, grasp.  When he turned to see who it was he noticed that he was looking at himself!  AGAIN!

"I THOUGHT WE KILLED YOU!!!!!!" Bill yelled.

"Well you see, after you beat my creations and after you have beaten me at my game, I escaped from prison and rebuilt my creations, but with MUCH MORE power!" Denomolos explained.

"What do we do with him duder?" Evil Bill asked.

"Throw him into the empty cell over there!" he commanded.

"Yes, sir!" Evil Bill and Evil Ted said together as Evil Ted grabbed Ted and Evil Bill and Evil Ted both threw Bill and Ted into the cell.

"Now my plan is going to go as I have planned!" Denomolos said as he fired up a machine that is supposed to change the whole future so everyone will be brainwashed only to think that he is the master of the future and go against Bill and Ted and kill them and everyone else in the cells.

"When is it going to end with all of this, Ted?" Bill asked his most excellent friend.

"I don't know, Bill.  Maybe we would have a better chance getting the robots on our side to help...." Ted suggested.\

"GOOD THINKIN' TED!" Bill said as he went to the metal door to talk to the evil robots.

"Hey dude?" Bill said from behind the few bars for a window and the robots faced him.

"What do you worms want?" Evil Ted asked.

"We were just wondering if Denomolos was doing anything for you for what you're doing to us?" Bill asked as Evil Bill and Evil Ted looked at each other like they were confused.

'He has a good point......' Evil Ted thought.

NEW SEGMENT ADDED 6/21/05

"What do you know about it, worms?  You don't know anything that's happening here!" Evil Bill yelled.

"DON'T YOU SHUT UP EVIL ROBOTS?!" Denomolos yelled over their conversation.

"Sorry duder, won't happen again......." Evil Ted informed him.

"It better not!" Denomolos said while getting back to the machine.

"Come on, you're taking orders from someone that is going to rule the future and once he does he won't need you anymore and he'll just throw you away and become a leader to the future and never even appreciate what you do, dude," Bill whispered.

"He's right......," Evil Ted whispered to Evil Bill.

"Maybe......" Evil Bill said in his regular tone of voice.

"I SAID FOR YOU TO SHUT UP!" Denomolos yelled as he turned to the evil robots and saw Evil Bill and Ted let Bill and Ted out of their cell.

"WHAT THE ----," Denomolos started but was cut off by Bill and Ted.

"Well, we go back in time and steal your blue prints for this machine...." Bill said as the machine started to disappear.

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!  I can still play.... the game isn't over yet!  I go back in time and make copies of the prints," he said while laughing.

"What if we go back in time made changes to the blue prints, so your machine won't work!" Bill said as Ted and Bill high-fived each other.

"GRRRRRRRR! WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!  GET OFF OF ME!  I ORDER YOU TO LET ME GO!" Denomolos yelled.  Evil Bill and Ted grabbed him and threw him into the cell and let Bill and Ted's family out, plus their girlfriends and Rufus.

"Good job boys!" Rufus said as he gave Bill and Ted's family an hour of sleep medicine.  While they were asleep, they got loaded into the phone booth.

**************************************SAN DIMAS, CALIFORNIA****************************************

THINGS WERE GETTING BETTER AT SCHOOL, THEY WEREN'T GETTING STRAIGHT F'S BUT NOT STRAIGHT A'S EITHER, MOSTLY JUST B'S C'S AND SOMETIMES D'S BUT HARDLY ANYMORE F'S.

THINGS HAVE DEFINITELY GONE A LOT BETTER AT HOME, THEIR DAD'S ARE BEING NICER.

THINGS ARE GOING GOOD WITH THEIR GIRL FRIENDS AS WELL.........

THE END