A Totally Odd Spring Break

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BILL & TED characters are trademarks of Nelson 1991 Inc. The motion picture BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE & © 1989 Nelson Films Inc. All Rights Reserved. The motion picture BILL & TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY © 1991 Orion Pictures Corporation. All Rights Reserved.

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"So, class, as you know Monday is when you guys are on spring break.  So, that means today I donít have any homework to give you since I suspect this upcoming week youíll all be on vacation."  Mr. Ryan looked at the clock, "Well, since you are all done, Iíll let you guys leave early."  Mr. Ryan said before the whole class managed to cheer loudly.

As the whole class left the room, Bill and Ted followed, and put their books in their lockers.

"When do you leave?" Bill asked.

"Tomorrow." Ted answered.

"This is gonna be a long spring break." Bill commented.

"Well, itís a good thing youíll get to see your dadÖ andÖ your mom."

"ÖAnd Missy." Bill added.

"Missyís coming with you guys?!"

"Yeah, my dad, my mom, and Missy are all gonna be there.  At least you donít have any extra family members coming along, Dude."

"Well, at least your biological mom is gonna be there." Ted commented.

"Ted," Bill sighed, "Iím sorry, I didnít mean to bring that up."

"Itís okay, Dude." Ted mumbled, "Where are you going this week, my excellent friend?"

"I donít know.  Itís supposed to be a surprise."

"Well, you know where Iím going." Ted noted.

"Yeah, are we going to say goodbye to the babes?" Bill asked.

"Yeah, I thought thatís where we were going." Ted answered.

"Oh, yeah,"

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Bill knocked on Joanna and Elizabethís apartment door waiting for an answer.

Joanna opened the door while Elizabeth sat brushing her long dark hair.

"Oh, hey, are we going now?" Joanna asked and Bill and Ted nodded.

Elizabeth glanced at Joanna before saying, "Just give me one minute."

Joanna stepped into the hallway with them, and they waited until Elizabeth stepped out of the apartment before they went to the lobby of the apartment.

"Are we taking the bus to the mall?" Joanna asked.

"No, Iíve got a surprise." Bill answered as he covered Joannaís eyes and walked her to his new van.

"You got a car?!" Elizabeth and Joanna said in perfect unison, staring at the old green van.

"Yeah, I just got my license." Bill announced.

"Thatís most excellent, William!" Joanna commented.

"Well, letís go then." Ted said before Bill drove them to the mall.

After a long day of shopping around the mall, they sat at a table in the mallís food court.

"I got so many things." Elizabeth commented as she browsed through the items in her shopping bags.

"What all did you get?" Joanna asked.

Elizabeth named everything she got as she pulled it out of the bag and set it on the table, "Thatís twenty-seven things."


Ted checked his watch, which said six fifty-four, "The mall closes in six minutes."

"Bogus!  Then you have to leave tomorrow." Bill reminded him.

"When are you leaving, William?" Joanna asked.

"MondayÖ" Bill answered.

"Before you know it, itíll be next Saturday, and weíll be back from spring break.  Itíll be here before you know it." Ted assured them.

"San Dimas mall will be closing in five minutes." Someone announced over the speaker.

"We should get going now." Bill said as he stood up from his chair.

"Yes, thatís not a bad idea." Joanna agreed.

As they left the mall, Elizabeth walked closer to Ted and held his hand.

"And they pick on us for being in a relationshipÖ" Joanna commented.

Bill shook his head and continued walking.

Bill drove back to the princessesí apartment and got out of the car with Ted to say goodbye to them.

"If you arenít leaving until Monday, why are you saying goodbye now?" Joanna asked.

"Because Iím just busy the next couple of days before the trip, and, uh, I canít exactly make it here." Bill answered.

Joanna nodded her head in understanding.

"Iím gonna miss youÖ soÖ much." Ted said as he hugged Elizabeth.

"I will most definitely miss you, too." Elizabeth paused, "Youíll be back next Saturday, right?"

"Most definitely." Ted said before releasing Elizabeth from the hug.

"Goodbye." She said before kissing him on the cheek and walking with Joanna to their apartment.

Elizabeth turned around and waved and Ted slightly waved back.

"Címon, Dude, letís go." Bill said as he got into the driverís seat of his van.

Ted sat in the passengerís seat and Bill drove him back to his house.

"Bye, Dude.  Iíll see you Saturday."

"Okay, have fun wherever youíre going." Ted said before going inside his house.

"Ted, have you packed, Son?" his dad asked as he walked in.

"UhÖ yeah." Ted answered.

"You sure?"


"I canít wait to go!  I canít wait to go!  I havenít been since I was five!" Deacon shouted as he jumped up and down.

"Well, I guess thatíll change tomorrow, Dude." Ted said before leaving to his room.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The next afternoon

Walking off the plane to the island of Oahu, Ted, Deacon, and their dad carried their luggage through the airport.

"What a long flight!" Deacon said.

"Yes, I donít think it helped that the kid behind us kept kicking my chair." Captain Logan agreed.

"Well, we might need to get to the hotel now." Ted suggested before they left to the hotel.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Bill, do you have everything packed?" Missy asked as she walked into his room.

"Weíre not leaving until Monday.  Why do I need to have everything packed?" Bill asked.

"Well, weíve decided to leave tomorrow instead." His dad answered.

"No way!"

"Yes way!  Pack your bags, Bill." Missy said as she left with Billís dad.


* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"This room is too small.  How are we gonna fit all three of us on a bed and a couch?" Captain Logan complained.

"I donít know.  Ask one of the employees." Deacon suggested.

Ted sat quietly on the couch listening to his dad complain over everything.

"Iíll go ask one of the employees if they have a different room we can stay in.  Iíll be back. Ted, watch your brother." Captain Logan said as he left to the lobby.

Deacon sighed, "This trip is going to be outrageousÖ"

"Yeah, most definitely." Ted agreed.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The next morning

"Címon, Bill, Letís go!  Our flight leaves in ten minutes!" Missy called from the next room.

"Okay, Iíll be there in a minute." Bill said before grabbing his bag and his guitar and leaving to the next room where his mom, his dad, and Missy were waiting for him.

"Hey, mom..." Bill greeted with a smile as he hugged her.

"Hey, Billy, you ready to go?"

"Yeah, letís go." Bill said before they got into their car and drove to the airport.

"Flight to Paris is now boarding."

"Weíre going to Paris!?  Eugene, Iíve always wanted to go to Paris."

"Anything for you, beautiful." Billís dad said before he kissed Missyís hand.

Billís mom rolled her eyes and whispered to Bill, "He told me that on our second honeymoon to Vegas when you were two."

Bill laughed for a second and continued to walk onto the plane.

"Bill, hereís your ticket.  Elaine, hereís yours.  Missy, I have our tickets."

Taking his ticket he found his empty seat, and his mom sat next to him.

"You got a seat next to me?"

"Yeah, I guess your father wanted to be alone with Missy."

"Yeah, I guess." Bill agreed and watched as an elderly couple walked in.

"Connie, whereís my bag?"

"Itís up in the bag thing."

"But I need my medication!"

"You can wait until we get to Paris."

"No, I canít!  I have to have it now!"

"Bob, you can wait until..."

"No!  I have to have it now!  The Doctor said-"

"That you can have a break, Bob.  Calm down."

The man sat down next to Billís mom.

"Bob, honey, thatís not your seat.  This is your seat." His wife said pointing at the seat across the aisle.

The man sighed and got up stomping to the other seat.

"That was awkwardÖ" Billís mom commented.

"Most definitelyÖ" Bill agreed.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Waking up at the new hotel they were staying at, Ted sat on the couch in the hotel room, listening to Deacon as he talked in his sleep.

"No, No, I already told you.  I didnít do it.  It was Ted."

Ted glanced at Deacon, "Whatíd I do?"

After not getting an answer, Ted just sat there waiting for him to wake up.

"Deacon, wake up, son." Captain Logan said as he returned to the room after getting towels.

Deacon got up and walked to his suitcase.

"Whatíd I do?" Ted asked.

Deacon rolled his eyes and ignored him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Waking up, happy that he was in a hotel finally, Bill walked out to the balcony of the hotel, looking at the Eiffel Tower.

"Hey, Billy." His mom greeted as she walked out to the balcony.

"Hey, Mom."

"Do you want to go down to the hotelís restaurant before Missy and your dad wake up?" She asked.

Bill smiled, "SureÖ"

They walked down to the restaurant and ate breakfast.

"Letís go back to our room before your dad gets worried." His mom said before they returned to their room.

"Hey, you guys, we wondered where you went." Billís dad said as they walked in.

"We went to the restaurant." Bill mentioned.

"I told you I thought thatís where they went, Eugene." Missy reminded him.

"Well, I guess you were right then." Billís dad said.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Itís too warm out here." Captain Logan complained.

"Dad, itís supposed to be this warm." Deacon responded.

"Yeah, but itís still spring."

"Thatís how it is here."

Standing in the knee-high water, Ted just stared in the distance hearing his dad complain from far away.

"Ted, what are you doing?" Deacon asked.

Still just standing there, Ted glanced at Deacon and shrugged.

Deacon walked closer to him, "Youíre missing that girl, arenít you?  Her name isÖ Karen, right?"

"No, her name is Elizabeth."

"Oh, yeah, she is Elizabeth.  I forgot that."

"Itís not that hard to remember, Dude."

"When youíre around her all the time, no, itís not."

"What are you talking about?" Captain Logan asked.

"Tedís girlfriend." Deacon said picking on Ted.

Captain Logan shook his head, "IímÖ Iím going to go eat.  Are you coming?"

"No, thanks, Iím not hungry." Deacon answered.

"Yeah, same here." Ted agreed.

"Okay, just stay with your brother, Deacon." Captain Logan said before leaving.

"So, about this girlfriend of yoursÖ" Deacon started.

"Why are you so interested in my girlfriend?  Donít you have a couple girlfriends?" Ted asked.

"I have one girlfriend her name is Daphne."

"I thought her sister was your girlfriend, too."

"Well, when you did your history report, I went to Ziggie Pigís and took Daphne, Kerry, and Napoleon."

"Is that why they refuse to be associated with you?" Ted asked.

"They donít refuse to be associated.  They just got moved to a different class." Deacon corrected.

Ted nodded and stepped forward a few steps until he stepped on something sharp.  He reached down and picked up a sand dollar that he stepped on.

"Whoa!  Dude, Check it out!  Itís a sand dollar!"

Deacon gasped, "Iíve been looking for one for years, ever since I was three!  Lucky!"

"Well, maybe we can find another one." Ted said looking around in the water.

Deacon rolled his eyes, and looked with Ted.

"Hey!  Look!  I think I saw something!" Deacon said.

"Yeah, me too." Ted agreed.

Seeing it again, Ted reached down and grabbed a sand dollar.

"No way!  Two sand dollars in one day.  Excellent!" Ted said and handed it to Deacon.

"Thanks, now we both have one."

"Yeah, totally."

"Where do you think dad went?" Deacon asked.

"I donít know."

"I bet he went to that seafood restaurant that he kept talking about earlier."

"Yeah, I think he did." Ted agreed.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Elaine, have you seen my hairbrush?" Missy asked.

"Sorry, Missy, I havenít seen it.  Where did you last see it?" Billís mom asked.

"It was right hereÖ on the bathroom counter.  Itís clearly not here anymore.  Are you sure you havenít seen it?" Missy asked.

"Iím absolutely positive." Billís mom answered.

"Eugene, have you seen my hairbrush?" She asked.

"No, honey, I havenít seen it." Billís dad answered.

"I havenít seen it." Bill answered before she could ask.

"Are you really sure, Elaine?"

"Quite positive."

"Well, how can I explain that I left it there and the only person who went in there afterward was you?" Missy asked.

"I didnít see it when I was there."

"You didnít?"

"No, I didnít.  I donít event know what it looks like."

"Eugene, she stole my brush."

Billís mom gasped, "I did not!"

"You did, too!"

"No, I didnít!  I didnít even see it this whole trip!"

"How would I know?  Youíre always awake before I am."

"Maybe thatís because I actually go to sleep."

"Maybe thatís because I actually go to sleep." Missy mimicked in a high voice.

"Eugene!" They both called.

"Yes..." Eugene answered before they started yelling what they thought the other one did.

"Stop!  Stop!  Okay, Missy, I understand you canít find your brush, but that doesnít exactly mean that Elaine stole it.  Elaine, I know you mean well, but fighting just isnít gonna solve this."

"I can see why you like her.  Youíve already spoiled her rotten." Billís mom commented, "Oh, wait!  It seems like she was before."

"Well, at least he kept me longer than he had you."

All of a sudden Missy and Billís mom started yelling at each other and Billís dad joined them.

Thinking they wouldnít notice, Bill left quietly.

"Stop!  Stop!  Stop!  Bill just left.  Itís not fair to him that on his spring break weíre fighting.  Missy, forget about your old brush.  Weíll get a new one.  Elaine, donít worry about it."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Ted and Deacon walked to the restaurant their dad had been talking about.

As they walked inside, they immediately recognized their dad.

"Hey, Dad." Deacon greeted walking up to him.

"Hey, Son." He greeted blankly.

"Howís it hanging, Dad?" Ted asked.

"ItísÖ ItísÖ hangingÖ"

"Dad, are you wanting to go back home?" Ted asked.

He looked at Ted and nodded.

"Well, letís go check out of the hotel and catch the next flight to San Dimas." Deacon said.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Excuse me, Dude; are you guys all booked tonight?" Bill asked.

"No, we have two tables left." The man at the desk answered.

"Okay, I need a reservation for a table for two."

"Ah, romantic date tonight, eh?"

"For my dad and step mom, yes."

Looking at him strangely, the guy said, "Okay, is six-thirty good?"

Bill nodded, "Itís most excellent."

Bill walked up to the hotel room.

"Hey, Bill, you okay?" His mom asked.

"Yeah, okay," He said, "You guys are gonna eat at the restaurant downstairs at six-thirty."

"Bill, you didnít have to set up reservations."

"ÖAnd we are going shopping." He said to his mom.

"Billy, youíre taking us shopping?"

"Just donít ask anymore." Bill said before leaving with his mom.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Next Day

Finally in San Dimas again, Captain Logan, Ted, and Deacon stepped off the plane with their luggage.

"Weíre finally back!" Deacon said as they got into their car.

"Yes, but thereís one stop Iíd like to make before we go home." Their dad said.

Arriving at a small cemetery, the three of them got out of the car and followed their dad to a grave.

Remembering that this was his momís grave, Deacon stood there in silence remembering her.

"Do you miss her?" Deacon asked.

"So much." His dad answered obviously trying to stay strong.

"I miss her, too." Ted said quietly just standing there with Deacon and his dad.

"Letís go home, now." Their dad said before they left back home."

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Weíre going back to San Dimas today?"

"Yes, Bill."

"By the way, thanks for setting us up on that date last night.  It made me realize I was a little to hard on your mom, and Iím sorry."

Wondering why that affected her, Bill silently went to the plane and was on his way home.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

A couple days later

Finally home, Bill picked up the phone and called Ted.

"Logan residence, itís Ted."

"Hey, Ted.  Howís it going?"

"Itís going okayÖ I found a sand dollar."

"Really?  Thatís most excellent, Dude."

"Yeah, so, whereíd you go?" Ted asked.

"Paris, France, how was your spring break?"

"It was okay.  We left early because my dad wanted to come home."

"Well, do you want to go see the babes today?" Bill asked.

"Most definitely." Ted answered.

The End