BILL & TED characters are trademarks of Nelson 1991 Inc. The motion picture BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE & © 1989 Nelson Films Inc. All Rights Reserved. The motion picture BILL & TED'S BOGUS JOURNEY © 1991 Orion Pictures Corporation. All Rights Reserved.
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I knocked on the door of the Logan household and then turned my attention to my reflection in the nearby window. I smoothed down my hair and clothes, trying to make myself look presentable to the mother I was about to meet. Judging by my experience in the babysitting world, first impressions were definitely everything.
I heard footsteps from inside and someone opening the door. There
stood a man I could only imagine was Mr. Logan. He didn’t smile, or
greet me, instead he evaluated my appearance quickly, I guess making sure that I
looked responsible enough to look after his son. He looked at me
“Baseball sneakers?” he said, raising his eyebrows, “Tie Dye? Do you really expect us to-”
Suddenly a friendly looking woman came into the doorway. “Oh, honey, your not stressing at the babysitter already surely?” She turned towards me. “Hello! I’m Mrs Logan, you must be…”
“Uh…Luna. Luna Leezak, your babysitter.”
I then spent half an hour assuring them that I could cope with their son, and his little friend who often came to stay, and that I’d call in an emergency yadda yadda yadda. Parents are so insecure.
After they left, I went into the lounge to meet the children. The two boys were sitting on the couch. One, was quite tall for his age, and had scruffy dark hair that seemed to stick up in all directions. He must have been the Logan’s son, he had his mother’s dark eyes. The other, a skinny kid with curly blonde hair, must have been his friend.
The boys noticed I was there. The little blonde one stood up. “Greetings…um…babysitter babe! I am Bill S. Preston Esquire, and this is my best friend, Ted ‘Theodore’ Logan.” The dark one waved nervously. I was kind of shocked. A six year old had just called me a babe. But whatever. I wasn’t a stranger to weird kids, so I sat down with them.
“My name is Luna,” I said to them, “And I’m going to be your babysitter.”
Bill looked at Ted; they kind of nodded and then turned back to me with their arms folded across their chests.
“Excuse me Miss,” said Bill, “But me and my companion have both decided we prefer the term ‘Child watcher. A bogus name like ‘Babysitter’ is degrading and most non–triumphant”
“Yah!” said Ted, finally speaking.
I blinked. This was the first time I had ever met six year olds who used words that had more than five letters in them.
“Um…okay… Child watcher it is then!” I said, “So boys what do you want to do?”
The two boys went silent. They looked at each other and then at me.
“No games you like or anything?”
“Don’t know any,” said Ted.
“Um…” I said, my brain ticking away, “what about twenty questions?”
The boys looked at me blankly. So I sat down with them and taught them how to play twenty questions. They picked it up straight away, and we played it for hours. It was actually quite fun, looking after these two little boys. They were too young for me to have anything in common with them, but they were too old to just be adorable little morons. They were really special little boys, who clearly cared a lot about each other. So four hours later, when the Logans returned we were still playing.
“Okay, okay, I’ve got one,” said Ted excitedly, “Right, it’s a…”
“Ted, is it a tank?”
“Dude, how did you know?”
“Hi kids!” said Mrs. Logan, walking through the door. She pulled me aside slightly, “Hi Luna, how were the boys?”
“The boys were fine Mrs. Logan.”
The Logans quickly made another babysitting appointment, and it soon became a regular thing. I would look after Bill and Ted while the Logans went elsewhere. The boys were fun to talk to. I wasn’t sure why Bill was nearly always at Ted's house. His parents didn’t seem very reliable. But Bill was always the outgoing one, and Ted was always the shy one. Ted would hardly ever talk, except when Bill was around, so I guess it was handy Bill was around so often. I always really wished that I could get Ted on his own, try and get him to open up.
One day, almost a year after I’d started looking after Bill and Ted, I got an unexpected call.
“Luna???” said a desperate sounding Mr. Logan down the phone, “Luna, we need you to look after Ted! My wife’s in labor!” I could hear Mrs Logan in the background screaming, and Ted panicking.
“Yeah sure, Mr. Logan, whatever you need, okay?”
“Okay, we’ll drop him round soon.”
He hung up. I was kind of nervous; I’d never had to baby-sit at my own house before. I had a quick tidy, and then Ted arrived. I’d just got him to stop panicking and settle down, when there was another knock at the door.
“Hey Luna!” It was my band. I’d arranged a practice in my basement...how could I forget??? “Now listen, we think we really need to sharpen up Seth's solo, and maybe up the tempo a bit, yeah? Luna?”
All four of my band members glared at me expectantly, standing on my front porch. Slowly, I explained to them about Ted being there.
“So, we’ll have to reschedule, okay? I’m really sorry.” I finished.
Thalia, the singer of the band, piped up, “We cant, Luna. The talent contest is this week, we have to practice!”
I realized there was no way out of this. “Okay, okay,” I said in a resigned sort of way.
We went down to the basement; the others started setting up their instruments. I sat Ted on a beanbag in the corner with lemonade, and told him gently I would get the rehearsal over quickly. He didn’t seem to mind, and just sat there quietly.
We played and played on for ages, everyone was being clumsy with his or her notes and timing. Ted however, never seemed to lose interest. He just sat there, tapping his feet in time to the music, even clapping when we’d finished. He never showed any signs of restlessness, just mild interest.
When everyone finally agreed that that was enough for one day, they packed up and went home. I waved them goodbye and went back downstairs to find Ted. He was standing in the middle of the room, with my guitar slung around his neck. The strap was far too loose for him, the guitar was swinging limply around his ankles. He spotted me watching him and blushed. He hurriedly tried to remove the guitar from around his neck and ended up flat on his backside.
“Here,” I said gently, tightening the strap so it was level with his hands. I found a guitar plectrum and showed him how to strum the strings in the right way. Soon he was asking me if I could teach him how to play properly, to I taught him a few notes and chords. He was having the time of his life. He was gibbering away as I taught him, like… well… like Bill I guess. He really opened up.
I guess Ted must have told Bill all about that day, because on the next babysitting visit he begged me to teach him too. From that day on, the boys would come to my house whenever I had to baby-sit them, and I would lend them some of my old guitars for them to practice with. Seth and Thalia and all the rest of the band members would help too, teaching them more complicated rhythms that I didn’t know. After a while Bill persuaded his parents to buy him his own guitar, but Ted kept using mine. He said he liked the colour. It was red, with a red strap. He liked it because it was different.
One night, Bill had gone to bed early after complaining of tiredness, so Ted and me were sitting in the lounge, laughing and chatting, when he asked me a question.
“Luna, what’s the one thing you want to do most in your life?”
“Umm….” I said, “I’d like to travel the world, see Europe and Asia and all the great landmarks. What about you?”
“Umm, well, I’d like to time travel!” he said, looking a little embarrassed.
“Well honey, you know that’s not strictly possible.”
“I know, I know, it’s just something I’d wanna do! To see all history and junk, and the future… it would be an excellent adventure!”
I smiled, “Well if you ever do, come and take me okay?”
“Yah!” he giggled.
Soon after, I tucked him up in bed, trying to avoid treading on Bill who was sleeping on a camp bed in Ted’s room. I said goodnight, then closed the door behind me, in good spirits.
I was about five paces down the hallway when I heard an enormous noise from the bedroom. CRRRRAAASSSSSHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I turned and bolted down the corridor and seized open the bedroom door. In the shadows I could see two large figures, bending over the boys beds. The one over Ted’s bed began to stretch out a hand towards the covers, my heart skipped a beat and I looked around for inspiration. There was a baseball bat on the floor, I grabbed it and swung at the dark figure. It groaned and backed up against the wall, so I struck it again, and started screaming.
“GET OUT OF HERE NOW OR I’M REPORTING YOUR SORRY ASSES TO THE POLICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
The mystery figure started moaning in pain as I hit him.
“Ow! Ooch! Son of a- Ouch! What the- ow!”
Suddenly the room was flooded with light as the other figure switched on the light. I took a look at the criminal, only to find he didn’t look remotely like a criminal at all. He was a tall man, about 20ish I guess, with lots of dark hair, wearing jeans and a black waistcoat, and crying from being repeatedly hit on the head. He was also, I noticed for the first time, carrying a guitar. It was a very fancy and expensive looking guitar, but with a familiar looking strap…a red strap…
I dropped the bat.
“Ted?” I croaked uncertainly.
The man looked at me properly for the first time, and the look of great horror vanished from his face, to be replaced with a look of ecstatic relief and happiness. He blinked at me a few times in disbelief, and then wrapped his arms around me in a big bear hug, lifting me from the floor.
“Luna! Bill, check it out! It’s Luna!”
Ted put me down and the second figure walked towards us. He was a head or two shorter than Ted, blonde, wore a baggy Iron Maiden T-shirt, was also carrying a guitar, and had an air of misunderstood intelligence about him. It was unmistakably Bill. He smiled.
Suddenly I noticed a glowing behind me. I tuned to look, and to my utter surprise saw what I could only assume was a phone booth. I gaped wide mouthed at Bill and Ted, my mind buzzing with questions and confusion. What was happening here could only be described as Time Travel, but Time Travel was impossible!
“I know what you’re thinking,” said grown up Ted, laying a reassuring hand on my shoulder, “but we can explain later. We have to get out of here now, ‘coz if the little dude usses wake up, it’ll just make things totally complicated!”
“But…like…what are you DOING here?” I asked, as the two men stepped into the phone booth. Ted turned to look at me.
“I’m keeping my promise!” he said in a matter of fact way. I continued to look confused. “You know!” he continued, “I said I’d take you with me if I ever time traveled!”
He stretched out one of his big hands and smiled at me
encouragingly. I pondered for a while and then took his hand in my
own. He pulled me within the booth and closed the door. Within an
instant, we disappeared, leaving the bedroom behind us in a whirl of light and