BILL AND TED GO TO HELL

FOURTH DRAFT

11/9/90

The following are excerpts and annotations outlining the differences between the original script and the final movie.

The opening is the same as in the final film, except for the following:

THE SOMEWHAT-FILLED PHONE BOOTH

Lands in front of the room.  After a beat, the door opens and RUFUS steps out.

RUFUS
Greetings, my excellent pupils.  Today we
continue our study of acoustical reverberation.
Please meet our most non-heinous guest
lecturers for the day . . .

(As Rufus makes an introduction, that person
steps out of the booth and acknowledges the class.)

From Ancient Greece, say hi to Pythagorus.
Our old friend, Sir Isaac Newton.
To help us out on the musical side of things,
J.S. Bach and Sir Thomas Petty . . .

TOM PETTY
(stepping out, nodding)
Station.

The class ad-libs "stations" as Rufus brings out the last figure.

RUFUS
. . . and, from the 23rd century,
Miss Ria Paschelle, inventor - - as you know - -
of the statio-phonic oxygen amplifier.

Paschelle waves as the five guest lecturers assemble near the "chalkboard."

RUFUS
Okay, yesterday we were talking about the
alacrity of the incipient angle.  Isaac, you
wanna take it from here?

Rufus hands "chalk" to Isaac Newton, who steps toward the board, and we CUT TO:

INT. UNIVERSITY FOYER - SAME

De Nomolos, followed by his small group of Rebels (two of whom are hidden under hoods and cloaks), stop under the Bill and Ted statues only long enough to scoff, and we CUT BACK TO:

THE LEARNING CENTER

Where students are copying an incredibly complicated equation off the board.  Pythagorus and Tom Petty nod in agreement with Newton.

RUFUS
(re a tiny detail)

I see . . . hmn . . . and I always thought
youíd cube the cosign instead of - -

Suddenly everything stops as - -

Same until the Battle of the Bands audition:

BILL
And we are . . .

BILL / TED / JOANNA / ELIZABETH
. . . Wyld Stallyns!

Bill looks over at Ted, nods.

BILL
(sotto)
Close the show, dude.

TED
(nods, turns front)
Finally, in closing, we just wanted to say . . .
(trying to remember)
Okay, a lotta times you feel . . . you feel . . .
(looking at Bill)
Dude, take it.

BILL
Well . . . like, he said . . . love is . . . is . . .

Pause.  The music sort of stops.

Silence.  Beat. Bill shrugs - - he doesnít know what to say.

Then, abruptly, the LIGHTS go OUT.

ONE PERSON applauds slowly.

TEDíS VOICE
(sotto)

At least sheís not booing us.

ELSEWHERE IN THE THEATER - MOMENTS LATER

Onstage, Joanna and Elizabeth are taking apart their instruments while, seated in the third row, Bill and Ted listen intently as:

IN THE SEATS

A local promoter, tall, blonde Rianne Wardroe, speaks candidly.

MS. WARDROE
Okay, first off, your closing speech.
Itís the lamest thing I ever heard.

TED
Yah.  We know.  We didnít know what to say.

and later:

MS. WARDROE
However . . . for some reason, I have
faith in your two.  So . . . Iím giving you a shot.

then:

EXT. AMPHITHEATER - A SHORT WHILE LATER

As the guys walk toward the van:

BILL
Dude, we gotta win that concert.

TED
Yah, then we can finally
propose to the Princesses.

BILL
I know.  Thereís no way we can raise a family
on the money we make at Pretzels ĎN Cheese.

At birthday party:

CAPTAIN LOGAN
And what if you donít win?

TED
Well, I guess . . . maybe weíll have to
go back to full-time at Pretzels ĎN Cheese.
Maybe even sell a couple of the instruments.

Mr. Ryan does not appear in this version of the script.

Later:

MISSY
I got you guys this.  I hope you like it.

ELIZABETH
(reading)

"Past Lives, Past Lessons."

MISSY
(nods)

You know, I believe what you say about
having lived in Medieval England.
(lowering her voice)
See, I was once Ty Cobb.

The group nods.  Missy and Captain Logan start kissing again.

Bill and Ted exchange a glance, then lead the Princesses toward - -

A CORNER OF THE APARTMENT

Where, now a bit nervous, they turn to the girls, feet shuffling.

BILL
Um, well . . .

TED
Okay . . . you may be wondering why
we havenít given you our gifts yet.

BILL
But what weíre trying to say is . . . we will . . .
(looking at Ted)
. . . after tomorrow night.

Ted nods.  The guys exchange a nervous glance . . . and as a couple more GUESTS come by with gifts, Bill leans closer to Ted, who says:

TED
Dude . . . we have got to
do good at that concert.

Bill nods.  All four are unaware that:

THROUGH THE WINDOW BEHIND THEM - THE DISTANT NIGHT SKY

Evil Robots landing the same.

Later, in future classroom after De Nomolos hands out his books - -

TOM PETTY
. . . What a shithead.

DE NOMOLOS
(whips around, points)

You!  Detention!

Petty shakes his head and we DISSOLVE TO:

Later, in van going to the desert:

Evil Ted turns around.

EVIL TED
He said shut your holes.

Ted leans forward in direct confrontation with Evil Ted.

TED
What is your problem, dude?

EVIL TED
Iím not interested in your
insipid jabbering, insect.

Tedís eyes just plain bug out.

TED
Well excuse me, Ted!

Bill tries to settle down this potentially volatile situation.

BILL
Hey, maybe we should stop
for some food and talk this - -

EVIL BILL
(wheels; bilious)
Shut your rotting, stinking heads, vermin.

After throwing the dudes off the cliff:

EVIL BILL
I totally loogied on that good dead me!

EVIL TED
Yah!  Weíre fully evil robots!

EVIL BILL
Yah!

AIR GUITAR - - interrupted by EVIL TEDíS EYES, which suddenly FLASH white.  Then De Nomolosí FACE appears in them.

DE NOMOLOS (IN EVIL TEDíS EYES)
Go to their homes.  Turn everyone they
know against them.  And prepare for the speech.

EVIL BILL
You got it, dude.
(then, as Ted blinks and his eyes return to normal)
Letís go, Evil Ted.  We got a whole evil agenda to fulfill.

EVIL TED
Yah.  And a evil speech to make.

They turn to the van.

EVIL BILL
You wanna take this piece of junk?

EVIL TED
Nah, this is beat.

After B&T die, there is this description:

THE BOTTOM OF THE CLIFF

where, behind a clump of shrubs in a DESOLATE RAVINE, are the two limp, lifeless forms of Bill and Ted.

A long moment passes.  Then, a heavy grey MIST slowly drifts in and suddenly a dark, ghostly FIGURE wearing a black, hooded robe and carrying a scythe RISES INTO FRAME and hovers over Bill and Ted.

This is the GRIM REAPER.

He reaches his long, boney hand down toward the guysí supine bodies and Bill and Ted suddenly RISE UP AND "POUR INTO" themselves.

The guys, now in black and white, look at each other.

Also:

The Grim Reaper places his hands on their shoulders.

After they melvin Death:

EXT. DESERT - A MOMENT LATER

Bill and Ted are hurrying down the road.

TED
I canít believe we just Melvined Death.

BILL
Letís just hope he doesnít catch up with us.

TED
How are we gonna get back?

BILL
Wait a minute.  I got a idea.

As they run toward town, Bill raises his arms and he LIFTS INTO THE AIR and begins to FLY.

BILL
Whoa!  Check it out!

Ted tries the same thing.  Soon he, too, becomes airbourne.

TED
Whoa!  Bill!  This is most jolly!

And as they float toward town, we CUT TO:

EXT. BILL AND TEDíS APARTMENT HOUSE - MORNING

The guys land by the beaten-up, overheating, obviously way over-driven Porsche, which is parked in front of the building.

BILL
Ted, I must say you fly with great elan.

Ted nods. Suddenly they HEAR LOUD MUSIC from upstairs.

At the police station, after possessing Logan and James:

OFFICER JAMES
I totally believe you, dude!

Captain Logan and Officer James high-five.

Then, Bill jumps out of James and into the Officer next to him (middle-aged OFFICER LISA PRATT), who suddenly rises and perks up.

OFFICER PRATT
Me too!

Bill jumps from Officer Pratt to the Officer next to her (HINKLEY).

OFFICER HINKLEY
Same here!

And another, brown curly-haired OFFICER GASS.

OFFICER GASS
Iím with him!
(then, turning)
Whoa!  Donuts!

CAPTAIN LOGAN
Excellent!

Captain Logan and Officer Gass stuff donuts into their mouths, oblivious to the entire roomful of cops, who stare, dumbfounded.

Rest of scene plays out as in earlier scripts, with them unpossessing the men and Tedís father dismissing the meeting.

Then:

INT. LOGAN HOUSE - A BIT LATER

Dim light.  Wind chimes.  Crystals.  New age music (John Boswellís "Kindred Spirits") plays as we MOVE ALONG a row of six or seven relatively attractive, well-dressed 25-30 year-olds who sit on cushions in a half-circle, eyes closed, hands joined.

Seance scene the same except at one point:

BILL / TEDíS VOICE
(still above Missy)

Shift a little to the right / left.

Grim Reaper still shows up at end and looks at small burned patch on the floor where they disappeared into Hell.

Still say knock knock joke while falling.

AIR GUITAR, and then, suddenly - - WHOMP.

They land on the edge, barely, of - -

A CRAGGY, REDDISH COAL-LIKE ROCK.

BILL / TED
Whoaaaa . . . .

But before they can get a grip - - BOOM - - heavy BLACK BOOTS belonging to NAZI STORMTROOPERS stomp down on their hands.

The guys slip off and begin - -

FALLING AGAIN

BILL / TED
Whoaaaa . . . .

This time onto - -

ANOTHER ROCK

where they land on a PLANK, and instantly are surrounded by a gang of PIRATES, who back the guys off the plank, sending them - -

FALLING AGAIN

BILL / TED
Whoaaaa . . . .

and landing - - THUD - - on

YET ANOTHER ROCK

- - this time surrounded by GANGSTERS, who shoot at them, sending them tumbling backward - -

BILL / TED
No way!

FALLING YET AGAIN

They land, this time solidly in the center of:

A SMOKING, BLISTERINGLY HOT, LIVING ROOM-SIZED ROCK

Where they pick themselves up from the dusty, reddish surface . . .

BILL
Whoa . . . not bad.

TED
Yah.  Can we do it again?

Continue . . .